Judge, 1911-05-27 · page 5 of 24
Judge — May 27, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"Don't Cry"** — A sentimental poem consoling a crying girl, using Victorian-era sympathy ("There, little girl, don't cry!"). **"Unauthorized Liberty"** — Satire about a man's photograph being used without permission to advertise beauty products, mocking both invasive advertising practices and vanity. **"What's the use..."** — A brief joke about inefficiency in river commerce. **"Dialogues of Holeproof Socrates"** — A philosophical dialogue seemingly advertising Holeproof hosiery (socks), presented as mock-Platonic wisdom. **Main cartoon** ("Cabby—'HERE, GIVE IT A SOAK WITH THIS'"): Shows a cabdriver offering ale to a horse at General Stone (appears to be a public monument), joking that drink improves the horse's stamina. The humor plays on anthropomorphizing animals and period drinking culture.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Don’t Cry. By J. WILEY OWEN HERE, little girl, don’t ery! They have hobbled your skirt, I know; I, too, would balk if I had to walk Bound up like that, and J’d—talk and talk. But the fad of to-day will soon pass by— There, little girl, don’t cry! There, little girl, don’t cry! They mob you in bloomers, I know; But have patience, dear, for man is so queer, And I'll hand out the tip that it won't be a year Till he’s shouting, ‘‘Harems or let me die! There, little girl, don’t cry! Unauthorized Liberty. HY, Mrs. Jocko, you seem vexed! the trouble?’ “Trouble enough, Mrs. Tiger. Dr. Leo is using my portrait to advertise his beauty parlor.’’ “That's a compliment.”” “‘Not much. Dr. Leo has labeled my photo, Before Taking Our Treatment.’ "’ What's HAT’S the use of digging up half the River Wye looking for a tox of Bacon, with Chi- cago so near at hand? NO HANDS ON IT, " Hickory, Dickory, Dock The mouse ran up the clock.” C. 0. D. is the lady shopper's C. Q. D. and her busband’s I. B. D. From Dialogues of Holeproof Sockrates. MAkY ANNTIPPE had gone back to her mother for the six hundredth time, and Sockrates was found by Automobilius gathering up the rem- nants of his breakfast china. “I have*come, oh, Son of Wisdom,"’ said Auto- mobilius, ‘‘to ask if mendacity is a sin?’’ “In general, yes," replied the Philosopher, with a rueful glance at the broken platter. “Your reply would seem to indicate that there are times,’’ said Automobilius, ‘‘when it is par- donable to deviate from the truth.’’ **Your conclusion is correct,’’ said the Philoso- pher, removing a portion of a coffee cup from his hair. “And when, oh, Holeproof One,”’ said Automo- bilius, ‘‘when may that be?”’ “‘When, by an infortuitous concatenation of events, you have laid in a fresh supply of china and your wife asks you where you spent your time last night,’’ said the Philosopher, putting some Worcestershire sauce upon the bump on his fore- head in the hope of reducing its temperature. 'HE ONE great objection to most fools is that they have no money to part with. Cabby—" HERE, GIVE IT A SOAK WITH THIS.” comicbooks.com