Judge — May 20, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ras A PART OF IT. “You say sbe is a woman with a past. And does she deny it?” “Only about ten years of it."* a eton keys and a jim- my next, the way they barricade every window with screens and plug up every crack. Socially these folks are getting mighty touchy—they don’t seem to want our company. Went on a raid to the pantry with four other fellows this p. m. Poor Sticklefeet got drowned in a jug of milk. Horrible fate! Everything was so clean we could not find a thing around loose to eat. Used to be good picking about the sink, but all carbolic acid now. How I hate that stuff! Was bothering the head of the house to-night while he was trying to read —great fun to walk over his ears and watch him paw the air!—when I was horrified to see in the paper that we are all to be killed—said, ‘‘The house fly must go.” War has been declared. To-day they fumigated the house with sulphur and formaldehyde. Escaped by flying out of the dumb-waiter shaft. I have collected two hundred typhoid germs and will drop them around where they will do the most good when the air clears so I can get back in again. It is pretty tough being hunted from morning to night. I tried the other houses on the street, but couki not get in. A mass meeting was held in the room of the church to-day and all the delegates reported the same serious troubles. I guess we will have to migrate to some more civilized country where peo- ple are not always trying to kill some innocent thing. We have armed ourselves with the deadliest germs and will fight to a finish. Pneumonia Recipe. N OPEN-WORK blouse and some open-work hose On an open-work car could be found, And later reports all recorded with tears An open-work hole in the ground. HAT are all those letters you have so nicely tied up with pink ribbon, Alice?’’ “Oh, those are Jack’s! I like to keep them together, so that I can send them back promptly when we quarrel.’’ “NO WONDER, MARY, THAT I COULD NOT FIND MY PAJAMAS TO-NIGHT.” The War Game. “ AR SEEMS to be pretty much of agamble."’ “Yes; it is the great international shell game.” A_ Comeback. Mistress—‘‘ Look here, Susan! 1 can write my name in the dust upon this table.’’ Susan—‘‘ Indeed, mum! Did you ever hear that poem about fools’ names and ‘their faces al- ways being seen in public places?’"’ UT YOUR mon- ey out on a per cent. that will be of interest to you. Making “Batt” Comfortable. N YORKSHIRE, in the north of Eng- land, the term ‘‘homely’’ is used in the sense of ‘‘pleasant,’’ ‘‘agreeable.’’ Charles Battell Loomis, the humorist, who makes professional ‘‘copy’’ out of his lack of beauty, took a trip through Yorkshire last summer, staying at pri- vate lodgings rather than hotels, in order to get in touch with the native type. Stopping off one evening at a small town, he asked the station porter if he knew of a place where he could put up for a day or two with a private family. “Yes, sir,’’ said the porter, pointing across the street. ‘‘There’s a widder woman at that ‘ouse what takes lodgers. You'll be right com- fortable with her, for she’s as omely as she can be.’” Revised. IS BETTER to have lived and loved Than never to heve lived at all. R. CUPID is a somewhat of a : yas? quack who tries to y EL Quanees keep his patients lovesick as long as possible. AN AWKWARD SQUAD. Sergeant Murphy—'* If Oi knew which of ye two spalpeens was cut av shtep, Oi ‘d ran ‘im right into th’ gard room. comicbooks.com