Judge, 1911-05-13 · page 16 of 24
Judge — May 13, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces mocking various aspects of American life: **"The Engagement"** (top cartoon): Two figures ride giant snails, satirizing the slowness of courtship or romantic pursuit. **"Tricks of the Game"** and **"Was Peter Bell an Amateur Gardener?"**: These mock baseball terminology and misinterpret Wordsworth's poetry, suggesting people read hidden meanings into ordinary things. **"What They Can't Handle"**: A rural character (Sandburr from "Stalkville") confidently bets that a pet store can't handle "Os Duncan's goat"—likely alluding to a stubborn, unmanageable animal, with the joke implying rural common sense versus urban business limitations. **"The Country Gentleman"**: The main satire. It ridicules wealthy urbanites who purchase country estates to play at being "gentleman farmers." The piece cynically explains how they'll lose money, be pestered by salesmen, hire architects and laborers, then eventually abandon the whole enterprise and return to town. Nature and breeding matter more than money. **"Realized and Emphasized"**: Mocks the romantic notion of agricultural labor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Tricks of the Game. Tr YOU'LL watch the baseball pitcher, You will presently be shown That every little movement Has a meaning of its own. <rGatehetl— WAS PETER BELL AN AMATEUR GARDENER. (Circumstantial evidence in this familiar quotation from Wordsworth appears to point that way.) “ In vain through every changeful year, Did Nature lead him as before ; A primrose by a river's brim A yellow primrose was to him, And it was nothing more."’ What They Can't Handle. B SANDBURR, just from Stalk- ville, gazed at this sign on the front of a New York business house: WE HANDLE PET ANIMALS OF ALL KINDS. JONES & CO. : “By gum!"’ he exclaimed aloud, “‘I’ll * bet four dollars an’ a brick watch they can't handle Os Duncan's goat!"’ ENGAGEMENT—HOW IT SEEMS TO THEM. “The Country Gentleman.” By RW ‘0 PRODUCE a country gentleman, two things are required. First, a gentleman; second, the country. The gentleman is usually found where he is least expected. The country may some- times be found, provided you can beat out the building speculator in a race to it. To be a country gentleman, one needs to have money. No one can rear vege- tables or grow chickens with the Damo- clean threat of rent and taxes impend- ing. First, hobnob with a real-estate agent. You are going to lose money. The cards will tell you that if you con- sult them, so let it go willingly. When you have the required number of acres, have a month's retirement, with “Life in the Country," ‘‘The Chicken's Friend,’’ and ‘‘Rus et Urbs.’’ You will learn how to build a bungalow for ten cents. It is advisable to go a little fur- ther, however, if you want comfort. If you want a merry time, let it be widely known that you are going to be a coun- try gentleman. Every mail will bring the million best masterpieces of adver- tising. gineers, and house fur- Plumbers, en- nishers will express a mad desire to make your acquaintance. When you are ready, employ a detective to find you a sensible archi- tect. Give him a check and carte blanche. He will run you up a man- sion and a fine bill with charming facility. Buy some live stock, say , SNEDDON good-by to the town and the markets, cut off your subscription to the newspa- pers, and learn to chew straws. Invite a simple friend out for a week end, tell him how much you miss the lights and theaters, point out how his simple tastes would fit him for the posi- tion of country gentleman, sell the whole thing, lock stock and water barrel, and hurry back to town as soon as you can. You will be happier there, after all. One needs to be born a country gentle- man, and Nature won’t stand any non- sense. Realized and Emphasized. HAVE you ever dug a garden where the rocks grew through the soil? Have you dug up nine potatoes as reward for all your toil? Then you know the noble sentiment, the feeling grand and big, Called “the dignity of labor’ — with the accent on the dig. “ SCANDALOUS GOINGS ON.” comicbooks.com