Judge — April 22, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“A Woman's a Wo- stk SSeS reece Se E PKOBLEM OP “HIGHER COST OP LIVING” BY RAtsING ET OP A KITCHEN STOVE ABLES WITHIN TEN F (OIL, GAS OR COAL). A Revised Version. By HORACE DODD GASTIT. HERE are you going, my pret- ty maid?”’ “T really don’t know, kind sir,’’ she said. “Mother’s quite set upon touring in Spain, Harry’s inclined to a summer in Maine, Susan is crazy to go to Paree, Mabel’s for cruising along by the sea, Tommy's for shooting and fishing this year, Father's for tending to business right here; As for myself, sir, I honestly feel I'd like to do France in an automobile."’ “Your father has sense, my pretty maid."” “He'll need more than that, kind sir,’’ she said. “Sense is all right in attending to biz, Bat dollars are needed in families like is.’* First Aid to Golf. GOLF players who have found certain of their emergent emotions inex- pressible in the ordinary vocables to be found in the English language may now take comfort in three newly coined ex- pressions, Assouan, Gatun, and Roose- velt, which we are informed are the three biggest dams in the world. man for All That.” H's fellow - work- men gathered around him when the news became public property and extend- ed congratulations. “But,’’ said one man, ‘I understand the girl you're en- gaged to is a twin. How do you tell the difference between her and her sister?”’ “Well, it’s a mighty nice family,”” said the candidate, “tand I don’t bother very much.’’ The Real Cloud Rider. THE Sunday-school lesson had been about Elijah’s ascent in a cloud, and the children could not re- member the name of the prophet. “‘Who was it went up to the sky in a cloud?’’ asked ilttle Robert. Father, who had been paying little attention to the conversation, vouch- safed the information, “IT think the man Wright.’” was Wilbur House-cleaning Time. By GEORGE B. STAPF. OUSE-CLEANING house- cleaning time, A victim chants thy praise in rhyme. When law and order all must cease; When eating from the mantelpiece Is quite the rage; when furniture Is standing where you hit it sure As, coming in the house at night, You grope forth blindly for a light, And over chairs and tables climb With curses, at house-cleaning time. Buffalo Bill as United States Senator. T IS said that Buffalo Bill wants to be a United States Senator. It isa worthy ambition, and possibly the gentleman could be made very use- ful if it ever came to lassoing aquorum. It mightenliven a fili- * bustering debate if the Senator from Arizona were to vary his pe- riods of speechifying by shooting glass balls during one of the usual flights of oratorical irrelevance in which our senators indulge. time, ME The Tactful Man. By CAROLYN WELLS. if HAVE my troubles, as I can tell! I didn’t praise my wife’s new hat; So she went off for a crying spell— Now, what would you do in a case like that? Although she left milk on the shel”. I didn’t remember to feed the cat; And she said, ‘‘I’d rather you’d starved yourself !"’— Now, what would you do in a case like that? I came home late—'twas nearly three— And forgot the key was under the mat. She said, ‘‘You’re horrid to waken me!?— Now, what would you do in a case like that? Then I admit that I did scold, Because at bridge she was bound to chat; And she said my love was growing cold— Now, what would you do ina case like that? Of course I didn’t suppose she’d mind When I told her she was getting fat; But she wept and said I was most un- kind— Now, what would you do in acase like that? Then, when she bant- ed and starved and walked Till I said she looked like a perfect slat, She said she hated / the way I talk- [/// ed— Now, what would you do in a case like that? Miss Broiler—“ GO AWAY, AUDACIOUS MASHER, OR 1 CH YOU WITH WATER !” Serenader—" TRA, LA—PLUNK—PLUNK—SHOW THE DUCK WHO WOULD BE SQUELCHED BY WATER !” comicbooks.com