Judge, 1911-03-25 · page 19 of 30
Judge — March 25, 1911 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects short humorous sketches satirizing early 20th-century American social types and situations: **"On a Business Basis"** mocks "settlement workers"—wealthy reformers who visited poor neighborhoods claiming to "uplift" the working class. Mrs. Duggan's response is cutting: if they want to improve her life, they should do her laundry while she listens, or pay her fifty cents per hour for tolerating their self-righteous advice. **"Perfection in Dress"** ridicules fashion obsession: a woman's friend calls a new gown "perfect" and "makes you look absolutely helpless"—suggesting fashionable dress rendered women decorative but incapable. **"A Speed Producer"** satirizes advertising: a customer reads competitors' ads instead of complaining about repair delays, prompting urgent service. **"Hands Across"** puns on the sentimental phrase "hands across the sea" (international brotherhood), twisted to mean lending money—specifically a "C" (hundred dollars). Other items joke about harem skirts, rural dialect, and female vanity. The tone throughout is lighthearted mockery of social pretension and consumer culture.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
On a Business Basis. SHOULD like to chat with you a while, Mrs, Duggan,’’ says the young lady who has taken up set- tlement work. ‘‘I want to talk with you about “Are ye one of them uplifters?”’ in- terrupts Mrs. Duggan, without taking her hands from the washtub. —in a sense, that is my hope.’” just this to I was one day behind with my was week because of helpful visitin tee ladies, an’ from now on them that wants to improve my condition in life will either have to do th’ washin’ while Isit an’ listen or pay me fifty cents an hour f'r hearin’ them through with an interested an’ aspirin’ expression.”” in's last commit- The Real Hero. HE MAN who is fearless in corner- ing wheat, Or potatoes, or products like that, You couldn’t induce him—we'll bet what you like-— To corner a strange-looking cat. Perfection in Dress. 66P)O YOU think it is becoming?” she asks, appearing in her new- est gown, “Don't bother about that!’ gushes the friend. ‘‘Itis perfect! Itis simply delicious! My dear, it makes you look absolutely helpless !’’ QUANTITY VS. QUALITY. Skinflint—-' Yes, I bought a lot of that wine—fifty dollars’ worth '* Connoisseur (tasting itM—'* H'm, you must have bought a lot.'” WISDOM OF WOMAN. Savings-bank depositor—"" Will you please cancel my old book and issue me a new one ?”” Cashier—"* What's the matter, lost your book ?"" Depositor—* Not exactly, bat it amounts to the same thing. Unfortunate Man. BLESSINGS on thee, little man, Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan! Would that I might barefoot go, For I have corns on every toe! A Speed Producer. seMR BUYZEM is at the edge of town with some gear trouble,”’ says the assistant, turning from the telephone. ‘‘He wants us to send out there and fix the ma- chine for him.”” “Allright; butwe needn’t hurry. He has paid for the ma- chine,” says the agent. “But he says he is whiling away the time reading adver- tisements of other makes.”” “Tell the repair crew to disregard the speed laws and get out there immedi- ately."” To a Harem Skirt. I JUST dare 'em For to air ’em} Let them wear ’em— Even pair ’em! If they tear ’em, Won't it scare ’em? We can bear ’em— Let them wear ’em! EEPS LENT— borrowed money. My wife won't let me have it."” “Hands Across.” By WILBUR D, NESBIT. A TRITE and time-worn saying, but how cheerful When some great orator moves you and me To moods at once both brotherly and tearful With his remarks on ‘‘hands across the sea,”’ But, oh! when from our cash we have been sundered, Could anything more gay and festive be Than when we ask a friend to lend a hundred, To note with joy he hands across the C? The Language of It. Son (who loves outdoor sports)— “Say, pop, if Hic, hac, hoc is Latin, what is Hickey, hackey, hockey?" Father (somewhat academic)—'‘It’s Greek to me, my son."” Sweetness. HEY all called her | sweet, and they | | spoke of her | charm And talked of her gentleness, cul- ture, and grace; So we might as well tell—-it can do her no harm— She used pulver- ized sugar to _ powder her face. HE random shots of Cupid are most easily explained by the fact that he is blind. comicbooks.com