Judge — March 25, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cynical Citizen Saysos. By CHARLES C. JONES. ==) ON’T look too closely by) D) into the mouth of a gift horse, for it is L ey thus men miss his doctored eye. It’s a long lane that has no turning; but the worm turned and bit the hand that fed it. All things come to him who waits, if he waits in the right place—but he must come to the right place. “T held it truth, with him who sings To one clear harp in divers tones, That men may rise on stepping-stones Of their dead selves to higher things"’— But most men don't! then? Alas, the way must soon appear! They build, as I am building here, Upon the works of other men! How rise they, Variety is the spice of life; but don’t wear a Chantecler hat when you go to call on St, Peter. A Correction. 66 A LL MEN are born free and equal,”’ remarked the politician. “They may be born equal,"’ observed the father of eight voters, ‘‘but they're not born free. For every one of mine I had to pay the doctor ten dollars.”’ OTPRINTS on the sands of time are usually wiped out by the next wave from the sea of humanity. REFLECTIONS OF UNCLE EZRA. By ROY K. MOULTON. AN oyster stew is probably the kind of a stew you get by drinkin’ oyster cocktails. By ginger! there are only two kinds of wimmen that I really love—the mar- ried ones and the single ones The feller that plays the piccolo in the So far as remainin’ in the public eye is concerned, Senator La Follette seems to be the old, original cinder. A good many of them grand opry sing- ers were evidently named after Pullman cars. The best way to get a reputation FULLY PROTECTED. “ How lucky ! orchester may have to work harder than the feller that plays the bass fiddle, but he don’t have so much to carry home afterward. Everything is divided about ekel in this world. What has become of the old feller that used to chew spruce gum and tell time by the shadder of the village flagstaff? THE FIRST CLUB SANDWICH Mr. Skinclothes returns from the club and is greeted by his wife and mother-in-law. This seems to be a good place to lay an egg.” fer havin’ an artistick temperament is to go around without havin’ your hair combed. You kin cure a feller of almost any- thing but wearin’ a red necktie and tan shoes. The only redeemin’ feature about that dynamite explosion in New York is that they will never be able to reproduce it in vaudeville. The best way I know of fer a woman to prevent fallin’ hair is to tie it firmly to anail in the clothes closet when she goes to bed. The gent with the thick eyeglasses gen’ally gets away with most of the jackpots in the poker game. I see a preacher down East, who is a reformer, says Sarah Bernhardt should be given a wide berth; but I'd like to know why, when she is so tarnal slim. The public to be growin’ out of the idee that a doctor doesn’t know anything unless he wears whiskers. Almost any feller can invent a mouse- trap, but it takes a genius to make any money out'n it. When Gabriel blows his trumpet, there are goin’ to be a lot of fellers too busy talkin’ about the tariff to hear it. You kin learn more about a gal fifteen minutes after marryin’ her than you kin in fifteen years before. general seems comicbooks.com