Judge, 1911-03-18 · page 15 of 24
Judge — March 18, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous anecdotes satirizing American social attitudes circa early 1900s. **Top cartoon**: A dog digging frantically illustrates the caption's joke that dogs are more effective than fertilizer at making things "come up quickly"—a visual pun on agricultural productivity. **"My Love Is Like a Lily"**: A poem mocking romantic idealization. The speaker elevates his beloved while diminishing himself, yet reveals her glaring flaw: she has a voracious appetite ("appe-tite"), undercutting his poetic pretense. **"The Thoughtful Boniface"**: A mountain innkeeper's "extra attentions" are ironically unhelpful—he wakes a guest at 5 a.m. to announce the 7 a.m. call time, forcing unnecessary wakefulness. The joke satirizes rustic hospitality as well-intentioned but foolish. **"A Real Aristocrat"**: Miss Gillyflint claims aristocratic superiority despite her father's working-class origins. Her family's "credentials"—a brother's polo accident and mother's jewel smuggling—inadvertently prove the opposite, mocking false pretensions to aristocracy. Other brief jokes mock romantic foolishness and the life-insurance industry.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ASTON ISHI NG RESULTS. When it comes to making plants come up quickly high-grade fertilizers are not in it with the dog that tries to dig an animal out of a hole. My Love Is Like a Lily—Almost. By S. E. KISER. b/EY LOVE is like an Easter lily; She’s graceful, pure, and tall. It may be that I have been silly In loving her at all. Such excellence does she reveal That when I am with her I feel As if my merits were but small. My love is like an Easter lily, So pure, so fair, so sweet; Beside her I feel like a gilly That should be at her feet. But, oh! she has an appe That always fills my soul with fright When I invite her out to eat. VALUABLE HAY Farmer—* Hey, there !"" Aviat:r—" Hay, that's what I''m looking for."" The Thoughtful Boniface. BOSTON man tells of a unique ex- perience he had in a ‘‘hotel’’ kept by a man in the Tennessee mountains, whose boast it was that the wishes and comfort of his guests were attended to in every particular, with some ‘‘extra’’ attentions on the side. The Bostonian was leaving for home in the morning, and accordingly left a call for seven o'clock, in order that he might catch the eight o’clock train. Along toward daybreak the Bostonian was startled by a terrific pounding on his door. His first thought was that something terrible had happened. Dash- ing to the door, he opened it to find his landlord outsid “‘What’s up?” asked the fright- ened man from the Hub. e o’clock,’’ announced the landlord calmly. ‘*Two more hours to sleep!” Safer and Surer. “y WANT you for my very own,’”’ said the rich old gen- tleman, when he had succeeded in getting the beautiful girl to listen to him. “But how can I be your very own?"? ““Why—why, you can marry me, can’t you?” “I suppose I could; but don’t you think, if you really want me, it would be safer to adopt me?"’ GIRL in the hand is worth two on the wire. A Real Aristocrat. 66 Miss GILLYFLINT is always talk- ing about the superiority of the aristocracy and referring to herself as belonging to it. I can’t see where she has any claim to such pretensions. Her father began life as a day laborer."* “Yes; but one of her brothers was nearly killed while playing polo last summer and her mother has been ar- rested for trying to smuggle jewels past the customs inspectors.’’ r SEEMS as though, when a fellow can’t just make up his mind what his mission in this world is, he goes into the life-insurance business, THE MASTER. “The master of my fate am I, The captain of my soul,” he said. Just then a foolish girl passed by, And he went meekly where she led. comicbooks.com