Judge — February 18, 1911 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Judge’s Suggestion for City Seals BROOKLYN. seem to find any more humor in the pro- fessor’s definition than she had discov- ered in the original story. Indeed, when the dinner was over and the guests had departed, the dear old lady expressed herself in no mild terms in regard to the matter. “I thought that fish story of the pro- fessor’s was not only stupid, but silly, didn’t you, my dear?’’ she observed. And the dutiful daughter, being some- what weary with the exertions of the evening and not feeling equal to the task involved in a reopening of the question, sweetly remarked that you couldn't expect even so witty a man as Professor X. to be always at his best. “You're Welcome, Sir.” 66\,7HERE are you going, my pretty maid?” “I'm going to Reno, sir,"’ she said. “May I go with you, my pretty maid?” “When I get back," kindly said. Paying the Bill. Knicker— Books tell you what to do before the doctor comes. Bocker—*But none tells you what to do after he comes. Women and Automobiles. By WILLIAM J. LAMPTON. H EREWITH are pre- sented two letters from an experienced person to his two nephews seeking advice on subjects of con- siderable importance in these days of the strenuous life. They are given with- out comment, trusting that the reader will be able to do his own commenting. They are as follows: Dear Fred—You ask my advice about marrying and want to know whether you should get a wife or not. First off, I should say that you should not. A wife is one of those creations that when a man really wants her he will have her, and he will want her so much that he will not stop to ask advice, and won't take it when offered. Expense, trouble, depreciation from use, and all the other liabilities and responsibilities count for nothing. It’s the wife he wants, and he’s bound to have her, that's all. You are evidently in doubt, or you would not have asked my advice. When in doubt, don’t. Your Uncle. Dear Jack—You ask my advice about an automobile and want to know whether you should get one or not. First off, I should say that you’ should not. An automobile is one of those creations that when a man really wants it he will have and he will want it so much that he will not stop to ask advice, and won't take it when offered. Expense, trouble, depreciation from use, and all the other liabilities and responsibilities count for nothing. It’s the automobile he wants, and he is bound to have it, that’s all. You are evidently in doubt, or you would not have asked my advice. When in doubt, don’t. Your Uncle. The Beau Worth While. rs EASY enough to try spooning, When nobody knows of the fact; But the beau worth while Is the one who can smile When caught in the very act! HAL Beals: IN BAD. Burglar bird—'* U'tm lost! her husband. She thinks I'm Maxims of Maximilian the Maxim Man. A MAN may be down on his uppers, and yet not be entirely devoid of sole. It is difficult to retain our self-posses- sion when somebody is giving us away. The itch for office is never assuaged by scratching the candidate who suffers from it. There is nothing so potent to stir the heart as a first-class spoon with a pretty girl. The trouble with trouble is that it hasn't enough exits for use in case of more trouble. The optimist is the man who makes crullers out of the dough taken from the hole in the doughnut. The man who has no ideas to express in his own tongue wastes his time in studying foreign languages. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, a good cure for a flirt would probably lie in the line of absent treat- ment. GLANCE over the roster of the new Congress betrays evidence that, while there are many birds in last year’s nest, they are not all the same birds. IF DIOGENES WERE SEEKING FOR A WOMAN. comicbooks.com