Judge — February 18, 1911 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FOOT RULE. Woman. (Hard after Goldsmith.) By S. B. RISER. HEN lovely woman stoops to folly And finds, too late, that men betray, It helps to soothe her mel- ancholy If she has letters laid away. She gladly brings them from their cover And shows them up to every eye, So that her former foolish lover Would like to go somewhere and die. Unique. 66 GHE claims to have rather a unique career on the stage."” “In what way?” “Well, for one thing, she never was married to Nat Goodwin."’ A SOCIAL LEMON Charlie Fox—"' You don't seem to think much of my friend Billie back there, Miss Goose."’ Miss Goose—** Dear me, no! I think he is an unmitigated boar." The Real Sights. By WILBUR D. NESBIT. oe We Uncle Timrod,’’ says the nephew after breakfast, ‘‘I wish I could take you around to see the sights of the city to-day, but I’ve got a lot of important business on hand; so I'll have to let you run around by yourself. Here’s a list of the museums, city hall, public buildings, parks, and things like tions how to get to each That evening Uncle Timrod comes home weary, but satisfied. “* Well,’’ asks the nephew, ‘‘did you have any trouble finding your way around?"’ ‘* No; I got on fine,”’ says Uncle Tim- rod contentedly. “And did you think the public build- ings and museums and parks were as fine as you expected?” “Well, Jimmy, I tell you. I got so ler to jail, an’ a street car run into a automobile, an’ a ‘lectric train whiz- zin’ round an’ round in another window, an’ nigh onto fifty barrels o’ apples in front of astore, an’ a compass in a window, an’ a place whur they cut oys- ters open fer ye—an’ I et a dozen right there, an’ a feller paintin’ picters in a window an’ sellin’ ’em frames an’ all fer a dollar an’ two bits apiece, an’ —Oh, laws! I can’t begin to tell ye all th’ sights I seen. I'm clean tuckered out, an’ my neck hurts because I watched two fellers washin’ windows ‘way up nineteen floors f'om th’ ground. I counted it three times. Twicet I made it nineteen an’ oncet twenty, so I guess I'm on th’ safe side. Yep. I certainly have been seein’ th’ sights, Jimmy.”* WILL NOT CARO} “ Say, Miranda, lay a few round ones. We don't seem to be able to do anything at all with this set." interested seein’ sights that I never got to one o’ them places. I seena machine in a win- dow that pulls taffy, an’ a whole lot o° fancy knives in an- other, an’ one place Iseen a clock that tells th’ time any- where on earth, an’ I seen a whole window full 0° ca- nary birds an’ pups, an’ I looked into a barber shop that had wimmen bar- bers, an’ I seen the fire ingines run, an’ the patrol wagon come an’ take a fel- Bully Idea. 6p WISH, 8 the first man, ‘‘that I could run a magazine that would contain all the best short stories, all the cleverest poems, all the snappiest jokes and all the first-class illustrations that appear in all the United States peri- odicals."" “You can, easily,’’ answers the other. “Just go to England or Canada, start your magazine and steal your stuff from American publications. Indication of Wisdom. wir DO they call the ow! the bird of wisdom?"" “It stays out all night and doesn’t tell what it sees or does."” ADIES? tips, like billiard balls, Were surely made to kiss; But caramels, like carom shots, Are never quite amiss. comicbooks.com