Judge — January 28, 1911 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SMOOTHEST TOBACCO A gift that will make him happy. , The Mystery. Soon after the arrival of his baby, his wife went upstairs one e ing and found him standing by the side of the crib and gazing earnestly at the child. She was touched by the sight 3 filled her eyes. Her arms softly around his neck as she rubbed her cheek caressingly against his shoulder. He started slightly at the touch. “Darling,’’ he murmured dreamily, “it is incomprehensible to me how they get up such a crib as that for ninety- nine cents."’—World's We Write All Right. Bill—*Do you know how to begin the New Year right?” ditt To begin the New Year write 1911.""—Yonkers Statesman. Very Plain. Waiter (in cheap restaurant) “Scrambled eggs are fifteen cents and omelet is twenty cents Guest—"* What is the differencs Waiter (yawning)—‘*Five cents. Boston Globe. AT THE LAWYER'S, “ You want a divorce? What are your reasons ?”” 1. [can't stand my wife any longer.” hat all? My dear fellow, nearly all of us could say that.""—Fliegende Blactter. ‘ The Awakening. Man seldom realizes what a good time he has had until he settles with the cashier.—Scranton Tribune-Republican. The Careful Shopper. A fashionably dressed’ young woman entered the post-office in a large V ern city, hesitated a moment, and stepped up to the stamp window. The clerk looked up expectantly and she asked, ‘‘Do you sell stamps here? The clerk politely answered, ‘Ye “T would like to see some, please,” was the unusual request. The clerk dazedly handed out a large sheet of the two-cent variety, which the young woman carefully examined. Pointing to one near the center, she said, ‘‘I will take this one, please.’’— Sverybody's Magazine. Caron! Bitters. — Unequalled for favoring d Fruits, Ices and Jel mole on receipt of cents. Oct. C. Gen'l Distre, Sparklets. Ata Sunday-school meeting in Chicago a long-winded clergyman consumed too much time with a wordy address. When the leader of the meeting announced the hymn begi ning, ‘*Hallelujah! ‘tis done !'’—West- ern Christian Advocate. He—We don’t see so much of you as we used to, Mrs. Farleigh.” She—""No; my husband objects to low-cut dinner gowns.”"—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. “How is it that the quail on your bill of fare is always struck off?"" “That's just a fancy touch,”’ explained the beanery waiter. ‘*We never had a quail in the joint.’’—Louisville Courier- Journal. **When I see a patient of mine sitting in a draft,”’ says Dr. Harry Kurtz, with more or less cynicism, **I always know that I won't have much trouble in cash- ing that draft.""—Blue Bull. What Happened. Fate-—"‘Did you call?” Opportunity—*Yes; but she nt word by her servant she wasn’t in.”"— Harper's Bazar. Mothers-in-law Again. Jinks—*Your dog bit my mother-in- law yesterday Binks—‘Well, I suppose you have come to collect damages. How much do you want Jinks— the dog. “Yes, he snapped an unloaded pistol at his mother-in-law.” “Another unloaded pistol fool ! explanation did he give?” ‘He said that he thought it was loaded."’—Houston Post. othing. I’ve come to buy Club Fellow. What Lots To Learn. Mrs. Youngbride—‘‘I'm afraid our new girl doesn’t know much about cook- ing, John, dear.”” Youngbride—‘* Why not?"’ Mrs. Youngbride—‘‘Well, I found her cooking eggs with the furnace coal, when there was lots of egg coal beside the stove.’’—Boston Transcript. a Blache & Go. 78 Broad St., N. Y., te Most Fitting Finale to the Festive Feast _ et TETESEEEES: bod + LIQUEUR Peres Giartrenx AND YELLOW -— ieee ee ee —GREEN Serve the Daintiest Last ee: Co., 45. Broadw: Sole Agents for United States SE a Do a a ea ca Batjer & EELEEELEE ELE EEE EEE ELE EEE E EELS EEE EEE EE EE EEE LEE E HOEY The Latest Style. The family man was passing through the market when a sign attracted his at- tention, It rea ‘Poultry Dressed in the Latest Sty! “What do you mean by poultry dressed in the latest style?’’ he asked the marketman. ‘*Why, are you blind?”’ said the dealer, pointing to the plucked chickens with their legs tied. ‘*Don’t you see they are all hobbled ?’’— Yonkers Statesman. OLD OVERHOLT 2 An exchange of extreme courtesy is JUST THE RIGHT’SMACK Temptingly, deliciously mellow. > Pleasing most to those who know best. Distilled and Bottled in Bond by A. OVERHOLT & CO., PITTSBURGH, PA. | see In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciate< comicbooks.com