Judge — January 28, 1911 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The finest cocktail in the world—less the trouble of preparingit. Accept no substitute. Martini(gin base) end Men. tan (whiskey base) are t/ most popular. all good deakrs, Besides a Purse. A happy life the birdman | Whose forte is going up For when back to the earth he speeds He gets a loving cup. —Birmingham Age-Herald. The while our birdman’s going up His heart with rapture jumps; But oft, instead of loving cup, He gets his bumpty bumps. —Youngstown Telegram. With Our Heiress. “Europe holds a lot of our securiti “Invests her cash with us, h Not much cash. Gets most of 'em by marriage."’—Louisville Courier-Jour- nal, And They Surely Would. A woman crossing a ferryboat told a deckhand that she wanted to see the captain when the boat reached the slip and make a complaint. When the cap- tain came, the woman said, “I want to make a complaint about those life preservers in the deck ceiling. Just look at them! **Well, what in the world is the mat- ter with ‘em, madam?" asked the cap- tain, as he looked up at them. “Matter with them?’’ echoed the woman. ‘Don’t you see that they're dirty? They ought to be wash Ifa woman with a nice summer dre on had to put one of those dusty things on over it, it would never be fit to wear again. —Ladies’ Home Journal. One of the Chosen. tub—!*Father, who was Shylock?” Father—"Shame on you, Bub! Go study your Bible.""—Williams Purple Cow. They Go On Forever. “What is meant Military instructor by hereditary enemies eeruit —‘*Your relations."’ gende Blaetter. — Flie- Marriage Not a Failure. Marriage may be a failure, but it has saved a lot of Eure in noblemen from that very thing.—Charleston (S. C.) News and Courier. Miniature Specialization. A young medical student was being ed by one of his te: nen “Diseases of the nostril, replied the student. said the professor enthusi- Which nostril?’’—Success. She was a girl at Va And he was a Princeton man, And during the New They gathered a coat of tan Which caused unlimited wonder. People cried, ‘*What a disgrace! For each of the pair was sunburned On the opposite side of the face. —Princeton Tiger. | Healthful & 4 Ge igorating 7 SUNNY, PURE FOOD BRO OK WHISKEY A Rich Mellow Beverage ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTE ForSaleEverywhere Nothing more deli- cious before or dur- ing ameal. Increases | the pleasure of the table and aids diges- tion. Leck for name UNDERBERG. Sold everwhere. TIES BROTHERS, U.S. Agents, New York. Draws Dandy Pay Job ai cinch Nothing Much. “T don’t know whether | ought to ree- ognize him here in the city or not. Our acquaintance at the seashore was very u promised to marry him, didn't -Louisville but that was all." r-Journal. A Soporific Measure. “Doctor, 1” can't get to slecy the other end *t you do something for me? said the doctor kindly. ‘Just hold the wire and I'll sing youa lullaby."” Success, ‘ything and I Tell Wellman. “So you have a new idea for a dirigi- ble loon ?"" “Yes, Make the equilibrator larger, put a motor into it, and let it pull the balloon.’’— Washington Star. Assistance. Agent—'I'm trying to sell some books Won't you help me if you won't Lady of house—*1 will —Columbia other way. ‘Guilty ? »s, I'm practicing law for my- Honestly?”” What do you mean?"’—Colum- bia Jester. A Big Gun. “Professor Smart is a man of large mental caliber, is he not?"’ ‘He certainly is a big bore."’ versity of Minnesota Minnehaha, —Uni- ‘ou really going to swear “My taxes. "—Baltim oreAmerican. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be apprecinted. comicbooks.com