Judge — January 14, 1911 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Forgot Mother—‘‘I feel sure that we have forgotten something for to-night’s chris- tening.”” Fathe minister? Mother—‘Oh, yes; a week ago.” Father—‘‘Ordered the ice-cream and cake?" Mother—‘‘Oh, yes; that’s all attended ‘Well, have you asked the to. Father—‘‘Got out the company sil- ver?” Mother—‘Sure! morning. Did that early this One Thing. Father—‘‘Well, what else is there?” Mother—‘Oh, 1 know! We haven't yet decided on a name for the baby !""— Yonkers Statesman, Felt Cheaper. She—Before we married two could live cheaper than one. He— ‘Well, I feel cheaper! you?""—Yonkers Statesman. you said Don't Cool and Collected—The ice Princeton Tiger. bill. THE IRISH OF IT. Uriula—''l think she's the prettiest woman I know. Dennis—"1 know a prettier—don’t you, Terence? A Boomerang ‘What's the matter with your head?" asked the first bunco man. “A farmer I met to-day just banged me there with his carpetbag,’’ replied the other. “It must have been a pretty hard car- 1 brick in it that I Catholic Times. 8; it hada sold him yesterday Wasted Effort. rssor—*To illustrate our desire ity, we often pay fifty cents to headed calf, whereas ordinary wouldn’t interest us at all."" (Faint chirrups and stamping from box-holders at ‘‘Girlies."’)—Harvard Lampoon. A Christmas Storyette. Chapter I.—The general left. Chapter II.—Mrs. Thompson did the cooking. Chapter III.—The cooking did Thompson.—London Opinion. Thompsons’ cook- Mr. ut that’s between you and me.”* —Landon Opinion. Old Common Sense. CHANGE FOOD WHEN YOU FEEL OUT OF soRTS. “A great deal depends upon yourself and the kind of food you eat,’’ the wise old doctor said to a man who came to him sick with stomach trouble and sick headache once or twice a week, and who had been taking pills and different medi- cines for three or four years. He was induced to stop eating any sort of fried food or meat for breakfast, and was put on Grape-Nuts and cream, leaving off all medicines. In a few days he began to get better, and now he has entirely recovered and writes that he is in better health than he has been before in twenty years. This man is 58 years old and says he feels “like a new man all the time.”” Read “The Road to Wellville,”” in packages. ‘There’s a Reason.” Ever read the above letter? A mew one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. Health Rules for gil Don't Worry Take Exercise Be Good Natured Eat Plain Food Drink Evans’ Ale Live the Happy Life Grandfather Time, M. D. A City Bargain. Mrs. Hayseed—‘‘Huh! Want fifteen cents for them ’ere hats?"’ Cross-roads storekeeper—‘Can’t sell "em any cheaper, Mrs. Hayseed.” Mrs. Hayseed—‘‘Well, that just shows. I saw them same kind 0’ hats advertised in a city paper for five cents each, and I writ to Cousin Sarah, what lives in the city, to get me one that same day before they was all gone, and she did. It arrived yesterday, an’ you'll see it soon as it’s trimmed. Only five cents, too.’” Here is Cousin Sarah’s private memo- randa of expenses for that straw hat: Fare, three lines of cars each way Lunch Hat spoiled by drippings from L road Dress ruined in the crush at bargain counter Car to express office and back Expressage $ .30 +25 8.00 Total —New York Weekly. Every lover of a good cocktail should call for Abbott's Bitters. Makes the best. Mates. Bobby—‘‘Honest, is there twins at your house?’” Tommy—‘‘ Honest! alike!” Bobby—Built jest the same way, or are they rights and lefts?’’—Toledo Blade. An’ they’re just Sister’s Beau. When sister’s beau comes Sunday nights, We always turn on all the lights, And pa and ma and sis and me We entertain the company. He sits across the room from sis Like this. Our bedtime’s nine o'clock, you know (I just pretend, but do not go). The lights they seem too strong for him, And so they turn ’em awful dim; And he sits on the couch with sis Like this. — Woman's Home Companion. A Fine Haul. “Back from your fishing trip, I see."” “Yep.” “Catch anything noteworthy?" “Caught four aces one night.”"— Washington Herald. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com