Judge — December 24, 1910 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Kind Santa Claus. **Santa Claus was certainly good to me,"" declared the suburban resident, ‘‘For the first time in twenty years of happy married life the quaint old fellow omitted to sting me with a box of ill-natured, defective-flue cigars, lovingly purchased by the other half of the house.’” ‘But what did the better half give you?"’ the thin passenger asked. “She gave me an elegant pair of lace cur- tains for the drawing-room,’’ he muttered, “and the handsomest pillow shams you ever saw."’—Human Life. “The the swift,”’ says the Philosopher of Folly. ‘Sometimes it’s to the hospital.'’—Cleve- land Leader. SOME LUCK Slippin’ through the cornstalks like a voodoo doctor's shadder, Hummin’ lullabies and grinnin’ back in answer to moon, ‘Thinkin’ “* Lordy how them chillens ‘ll be glad to see me comin’ "*— Fer what's canvas duck to millionaires— That's "possum to a coon It Worried Him. “Booker is awfully narrow, "t he?’” ‘*Narrow isn’t the name for it. Say, he asked me yesterday if I believed Santa Claus belonged to any church.’’-- Cleveland Plain Dealer. Caroni Bitters—One (1) pony glass before meals. Best tonic and appetizer. No home without it., Oct. C. Blache & Co., 78 Broad St., N. Y., Gen'l Distrs. automobile race is not always to | An Old Song Rejuvenated. I cannot wear the old hair I wore some months gone b I've laid it on the topmost shelf With many a weary sigh. No longer are they wearing puffs, And rats are quite de trop; | I cannot wear the old hair— Oh, what a cruel blow! I cannot wear the old hair, For which good gold I paid; | Red hair is so expensive when One gets the proper shade. | I felt so dreadful when it was coiffed, All little puffs and curls | But I can’t wear the old hair— Alas for Fashion's whirls! I cannot wear the old hair. Four switches I must buy And wind them round and round my head As flat as they will lie. My face is far too plump for this, My nose is much too long; But I can’t wear the old hair— It’s altogether wrong! —Lippincott's Magazine. The Man with the Gun. A traveler going through Breathitt County, Kentucky, in 1896, found a man sitting on the side of the road with a gun across his knees. “Belong here? the gun. “Yes."" “How’s politics?”” “Tol'able.”” “Who are you going to vote for?”’ ‘Well, stranger,”’ said the man with the gun, peering down the road, “‘if I see Bill Smith before he sees me, I'm goin’ to vote ' for McKinley.’’"—Saturday Evening Post. he asked the man with As a Favor. A tramp called at the house of a gentle- man and said, | ‘I've walked many miles to see you, sir, because people told me that you was very kind to poor chaps like me."" “Oh, they said so, did they?” “Yes, sir; that’s why I came.” “And are you going back the same way ?”’ “Yesalr,”* “Then, in that case, will you be good | enough to contradict this rumor?'’—Cali- fornia Christian Advocate, THE SMOOTHEST cco A good Christmas presentforany man Ei pound and half- ts Canisters. |) Atalt dealers Sway ie THE ah dust Observe for Yourself — Pronounced Individuality and a Flavor more satisfy. ing than“ mere wordscan describe,areBlatzexclusive characteristics—so declare those whoreally appreciate character and quality in table beer. — MILWAUKEE — THE FINEST BEER EVER BREWED “I.W. HARPER” Whiskey RICH AS CREAM PALATABLE DELICIOUS "ON EVERY TONGUE" Bernheim Distilling Co., Incorporated Loulsvilte, Ky. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com