Judge — December 17, 1910 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Healthful 6 inv igorating PURE FOOD WHISKEY A Rich Mellow Beverage =, ForSaleEverywhere Too True. Their Resting Tim Pop!" | Put the hammock in the attic; “Yes, my son."" It's too cold for it outside, 8 ten dollars a lot of money?"" And its mission is completed— “It all depends whether I'm earning it or Mary Ann is now a bride. your mother’s spending it, my boy!""— | —Denver News. Yonkers Statesman. Leave the bathing suit a-hanging An Inherited Formula. Lonesome on the wind-blown bough, “They tell me your wife is very original. For its object is accomplished— What does she say te vou when you come | Mary Ann is married now. home late —Houston Post. “Exactly what he. .nother said to her . . father when he came home late. There's Lay aside the tennis racquet— no chance for originality there.'’—Cleve- Now that she has got a man, land Plain Dealer. Brooms make better exercisers For a Mrs. Mary Ann. The Bolted Door. —Cleveland Leader. Would there were some unfailing sign, | Infallible detector, | Coal Man Included. The knock of Opportunity | ‘*Postmaster-General Hitchcock is deter- From that of a collector | mined to have the law on the ‘get-rich- To differentiate, so fear quick’ concerns. "* Would not our soul so hector. “Gee! I'd like to get some kind of action —Houston Post. on my coal man."’"—Youngstown Telegram. Ideal Winter Trips to the Tropics. ‘The most inviting cruises this season are those to the resorts of “The American Mediterra- nean,"’ that wonderful wiaterless region bathed by the southern Atlantic, the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean Sea, including Porto Rico, Bahamas, Cuba, Florida and San Domingo. Write for AGWI NEWS, a beautifully illustrated free magazine, describing the cruises of tre following steamship lines: PORTO RICO LIN: Delightful 18 day cruise to and arvund the Island. Miolcovering alt’ expenses touching at prinelri forts. Send ee. Beneral Omicen 1? Broadway, New York. Lazurioos (Nasea): rail conneetions to all Important interior eth ‘est, Tas Motate Prom Pier & North River, New York. General Otters, Pier It, East Kiver. New York DISTRICT PASSENGER OFFICES: XeWw voRK PHILADELPRIA ORTON. cmicano, Radway So Chevtaut St. 192 Washington St 3 So. Clark St SSSSE—————————————— WASHINGTON, Ge FSX Ww Signs of the Times. Back on the farm in old Missou, Where I and other staples grew, The folks would tell by pumpkin vines And yellow gourds and other signs When storms were due and dew was due, And what to do, do, do, do, do. The animals and fowls and bees Helped out the cause with joy and ease. And granddad used to often say, In his tobacco-chewing way, ‘When the old mule’s ears point straight ahead, it means, my son, some cares. When his ears come close and point straight up, it’s time to say your prayers. But you're safe, my son, as a mountain goat and your lid will stay on top, When the old mule merely jogs along and lets his big ears flop."” I have noticed, too, since I left the farm, That an earnest man is full of harm; That he who breaks the golden rule Is built somewhat like that old mule. And I've observed that when that guy Is off his poise, no one will die For they're alike, these mules and men; They're safe sometimes, but you must know when. And I’ve occasion every day | To think of what Missou folks say: When the old mule’s ears point straight ahead, it means it’s time to fly. | When his ears point up toward the sky, it may be time to die. The only time you're really safe and you let the matter drop Is when that mule just jogs along and lets his big ears flop. —Oregon Journal. That Awful Small Boy. Small Boy—'* What is a roost, papa?"” Parent—*‘A roost, my son, is the pole on which chickens roost at night.” Small Boy—"And what is a perch, papa?” Parent—‘‘A perch is what chickens perch on at nigh Small Boy—'Well, papa, could a chicken roost on a perch? ’’ Parent—‘*Why, of course.”” Small Boy—‘‘And could they perch ona roost? "’ Parent—‘‘Certainly, of course."" Small Boy—*But if the chicken perched on a roost, that would make the roost a perch, wouldn't it?’’ Parent—‘Oh, heavens, yes! I suppose ‘Small Boy—‘But if just after some chick- ens had perched on a roost and made it a perch, some chickens came along and roosted on the perch and made it a roost, then the roost would be a perch, and the perch would be a roost, and some of the chickens would be perchers and the others would be roosters, and-—"" Parent—‘‘Susan, Susan! take this child to bed before he drives me mad."’—Blue Bull. Possible. She—‘‘Here’s a lock of blond hair and one of black hair in your watch case, Fred. What does it mean?” He—‘‘Is your memory so short, dear? They are both yours."’— Yonkers Statesman. A Long List. Citiman—'‘ You've been living in the sub- urbs so long, I suppose you've had consid- | erable experience with servant girls?” Subbubs—‘‘ Well, it’s got so that when my wife is interviewing an applicant now she always begins by asking, ‘Were you ever employed by me before? If so, when and how long?’ ""—Catholic Times. In answering advertisements pléase mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com