Judge — December 17, 1910 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PREPARED FOR THE WORST. Pardon me, but why ?”” Monk—"'I'm best man at the Giraffes’ wedding."’ Stork—"' Dress suit and ladder? Stork—"'1 know, bat why the ladder ?"" Monk—“Oh, I'll bave to kiss the bride, of course ! "* In the Meanwhile. Rich man (to beggar)—‘‘Not a cent! | Remember that you will have your reward in heaven.” Beggar—*Will 12 Then dollars now and I will pay i lend me five back then, I'll drop it down the chute.’’"—Fliegende | Blaetter. It Depends. “Do you think a man should take his wife into his confidence regarding his busi- ness affairs?" asked the man who had just been married. “If he isn’t making any money, yes,”’ replied the experienced one cautiously.— Philadelphia Record. Jingles That Jangle. Than the jingle of the sleighbell Nothing to our ear sounds worse; For the rides that we give Maybelle Take the jingle from our purse. — Youngstown Telegram. An Unkind Cut. Cholly—‘I am going to see that mind weadah. Do you think she can wead my mind?” Polly—‘Why, it would be like taking candy from a baby.’’—Baltimore American, PACKERS TAR _ SOAP PURS AS THE PINES “How do you go about floatinga rail- road?’" “First you issue some common and preferred.” “Yes,"” **And when that’s sold, youarrange fo some rollingstock."* Louisville Cour- ter Journal. Enthusiasm. Anxious messen- ger—'‘Say, fireman there’s another fire broken out up the street.’” New recruit “All right, old chap; keep her go- ing till we've fin- ished this one. Punch, The fastest flying machine is gossip. Generous. “He was always thought,’ said Uncle Ethan reflectively, ‘‘to be one of the chari- tablest men in the whole town, and I guess he was. He always owned a plug hat, for one thing, and I never knew him to refuse | Christmas Cheer aed all of Its ancompaniments are promoted by Evans Ale The Kia of Corte at bearty bowplt Vo Gon. batten HOLIDAY GIFT for family, trieed or seit. Order from your nearest Dealer or C. H. EVANS & SONS, HUDSON, N. Y. Why Malinda Rejoiced. Booker T. Washington, head of the Tus- beverages ond standard i harret sootaial ‘mate © gratifying ant | kegee Institute, after a visit to the Metro- to lend it to anybody.’’—Youth’s Com-: | panion, Self-sacrifice. “*You manage to keep your husband home at night,’’ said one woman. “Yer replied the other. ‘‘I am the only person of his acquaintance who will listen patiently and respectfully while he tells exactly how the election happened. ""— Washington Star. Wondered Why. FOUND THE ANSWER WAS COFFEE. politan Museum in New York, told this story: “A Kentucky lady,"" he said, ‘visited the museum with her maid, an old-fashioned mammy. “Malinda had never seen an art gallery before, and the nudes startled her in a way that would have endeared her to the heart of Mr. Comstock. But when she entered the: hall of sculpture, then she was more than startled, “*Land!’ she said. ‘Land sakes!’ “And with dubious shakes of the head she passed before the white beauty of the Venus de Medici, the Apollo Belvidere, the Venus de Milo, and the other gracious shapes of snowy marbles. ““*Land sakes!’ “‘Don’t you like it, Malinda?’ said her mistress. “**Yas'm,’ said Malinda. ‘Ah like it | well enough, but Ah’s powerful glad dar | ain’t none o’ my color here. Many pale, sickly persons wonder for | years why they have to suffer so, and even- | tually discover that the drug—caffeine- coffee is the main cause of the trouble. “T was always very fond of coffee and drank it every day. Inever had much flesh "Washington Post. Willing To Risk It. Uncle—‘My dear boy, it’s a fact that the bacilli.on paper money have caused | many a death before now." and often wondered why I was always so | pale, thin, and weak. “About five years ago my health com- pletely broke down and I was confined to my bed. My stomach was in such condition | that I could hardly take sufficient nourish- | pounds. ment to sustain life. “During this time I was drinking coffee, didn’t think I could do without it. “After a while I came to the conclusion that coffee was hurting me, and decided to give it up and try Postum. I didn’t like the taste of it at first, but when it was made right—boiled until dark and rich—I soon became very fond of it. “In one week I began to feel better. I could eat more and sleep better. My sick | headaches were less frequent, and within five months I looked and felt like a new be- ing, headache spells entirely gone. “My health continued to improve and to- | day I am well and strong, weigh 148 I attribute my present health to Ever read the aboveletter? Anew one appearstrom timeto time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. Nephew—‘‘Well, uncle, you might let me have a few notes. I'm very tired of life."’ —Fliegende Blaetter. No Reason for Pride. ‘*We won’t print any such stuff as that!"’ said the editor loftily, as he handed back ; the manuscript. “Well, you needn’t be so haughty about it!’ retorted the irregular contributor. ‘You're not the only one who won't print it.""—Tit-Bits. A New One on Him. A youth from Calhoun County, Illinois, which has nothing but steamboat transpor- tation, came over'to Elsberry, Mo., the other day, to catch a Burlington train to St. Louis. He had never seen a train, and when the Hannibal local came rolling in he stood there gaping, watched it hiss and steam, and finally pull out. “T thought you was goin’ to St. Louis on that train!’’ shouted the station agent, thrusting his head through the window. “T was,’’ answered the youth; ‘‘but they didn’t put down no gangplank.""—St. Louis Post-Dispatch. A teaspoonful of Abbott's Bitters with your Grape Fruit makes an ideal appetizing tonic. Sample by mail, 25ets. in stamps... C. W. Abbott & Co., Balt- _-more, Md. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com