Judge — December 17, 1910 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

the drummer suggested, ‘I’m will- ing to put up something like fifty dollars more to show that I be- lieve in myself.’ “I don’t ordinarily gamble,’ said the village cobbler, ‘but I hate to hear you speak disparag- ing of my fellow-townsman, and just to make things interesting I'll risk fifty dollars.’ “That quick response sort of surprised the drummer, but he was, as a matter of fact, one of these former college stars, and he had reason to think he was some sprinter. So he offered to place another fifty dollars, and, becoming interested, I just sub- scribed that amount on old Hap- py myself. And it wasn’t patri- otism that moved me, either. “T could see the young fellow eying Happy with a puzzled frown, evidently wondering where he got the speed that made his friends so willing to bet on him; but he didn’t flinch, just got up, threw his cigarette in the gutter, and said he was ready to race right then, with the ten-foot handicap as stated. “Now, Happy could really move remark- ably fast for about thirty yards, and he knew he could hold his lead for that dis- tance. And when the drummer and Happy arrived on the ground for the race, I saw the drummer glance anxiously at the course, and then he raised up his voice in a holler. “*That isn't a fair course!’ he com- plained. ‘It’s too narrow for two after you run about thirty yards.’ “**Well, well, that’s so, ain't it?’ delib- erated Happy; ‘but, you see, the race was agreed to be in Hampers Alley, and this is the alley, ain't it, boys?” “**It is!” thundered the crowd. ‘**And if the fences come too close to- gether for the man behind to pass,’ he STARS AND STRIPES. “Fo! de lan’ sake! Dat suttenly mus’ be one ‘ob dem ahmy posts I been heah'n’ ‘bout."” “The drummer's fists clinched and his face got red, but before he did anything rash Happy rolled up his sleeve and scratched that arm. There was no fight. It sure is a good thing to have a useful citizen like Happy about the place."” A Christmas Precaution. By MAZIE V. CARUTHERS. HRICE blessed he, who now commands A recollection clear Of every Christmas gift he both Received, and gave, last year! It gives one an ungrateful name To send back presents whence | they came! WHY NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE IN KEEPING WITH YOUR TASTES? SUGGESTION FOR THOSE WITH COLONIAL ANCESTORS. added, with a grin, ‘why, that is unfortu- nate; but life is always hard for the man who is behind in the race.’ “*Yes; but the—you—I am _handi- capped!’ stuttered the drummer. “You sure are,’ agreed the judge, who was me, by the way; ‘but it’s all according to agreement, and there isn’t anything not in the articles.’ “So you can see why we snickered when that bet was made. It all goes to show that brains will tell, brains will tell. “How's that? Oh, the race! Well, NO FAULT OF THE MEMORY. “Say, old man, don't forget that five dollars you owe me.” “Don't worry, old chap. as long as you do.” I'l) remember it there wasn’t what you could call a race. The young drummer was a wonder, all right, and he come so near to catching Happy before they reached that narrow place that I was scared stiff for my money; but Happy just wedged in ahead, and as the space was three feet wide and Happy was two feet and a half across and wobbled the other half foot, Mr. Drummer didn’t have much show. The finish line was in the narrow part, and Happy won—in a walk. The drummer was raging, but it didn’t do him any good, and the stake holder paid up his bets. “All of which goes to show, Mr. Sporter,’ Happy says to the drummer, after the race was all run and everything settled, ‘that brains is what an athlete wants, not just speed or brawn.’ As It Looks to Father. XX X-mas. Theater-goers’ Bromidioms. By FRANKLIN P. ADAMS. 1 “SHE'S good in anything, but the * play doesn’t amount to much.”’ 2. may be a low-brow, but I think George Monroe’s terribly funny.”’ 3. ‘Bert Williams is a better comedian than most white ones."’ 4. “Willie Collier is so really seems to enjoy acting." 5. ‘enjoyed it immensely ! ) “T thought it was awful! { can go by what the newspapers say."’ 6. ‘What a big audience! I don’t see how they can fill all the theaters.’’ 7. “Of course it’s melodrama; but it’s interesting, just the same.’" 8. “‘The men that write the plays must make a lot of money. I heard the man that wrote ‘Paid in Full’—I forget his name—used to sleep on a bench in the park, and now he makes a thousand dollars a night.”” You never Narrow Quarters. Mra. Hoyle—‘‘Is there your flat?"" Mrs. Doyle isn’t room to give anybody much room in “I should say not! There broad hint. TALK ABOUT HARD LUCK! “* Great Scott, Quacker! What—er—er—"" “« Alter I palled all my feathers out so my girl could stuff a pillow, she tus around and gives it to my rival."” comicbooks.com