Judge, 1910-12-10 · page 16 of 24
Judge — December 10, 1910 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine humor: **"When Patience Ceases to Be a Virtue"**: A multi-part story about Mr. Smith, a newspaper advice columnist for the "Wounded Hearts" column in the *Evening Planet*. Smith receives cryptic letters and replies sarcastically, only to discover the writer is actually his long-lost daughter Jenny, who's been trying to locate him. The satire targets both the earnestness of advice columns and the melodrama of domestic newspaper fiction. **"The Bold Hunter"**: A brief animal cartoon where a bird claims immunity to temptation from bird-seed, showing the absurdist humor Judge employed. **"The Temptation in Birdland"**: Another animal gag about a bird afraid of being mistaken for game during hunting season. The page exemplifies Judge's mix of sentimental storylines with wry commentary on American newspaper culture and domesticity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WHEN PATIENCE CEASES TO BE A VIRTUE Boss—"* See here, you young scamp, I've been waiting an hour for you to get back!"* Errand boy—"' Yes, sir—er—er— everyone says yoa ‘re a very patient man."* Smith, ‘‘she'll probably notice that he is hideously bald. Wish I could stop my hair from falling out! This is an awful world full of bald heads and broken hearts— only the hearts can’t wear wigs!"" Mr. Smith boasted that his column car- ried a throb in every line, but by no stretch of the imagination could the editor see a throb in this: Dear Mrs. Davis—There are so many of them in the directory. Bessie. Mr. Smith decided that he could not print the letter in the Wounded Hearts column. Asa matter of fact, it seemed to bear no relation to wounded hearts. But evidently his unknown correspondent was in deep dis- tress. Evidently she wanted more advice, and in a moment of sarcasm the editor wrote: B.—His name must be Jones. When Mr. Smith read that line in the JUDGE Evening Planet, sandwiched in be- tween two tearful pleas for advice, he groaned aloud. ‘‘Fine, enlightened sentence to run inalove column! That settles it! I’m through with Bessie. She gets no more advice.’’ However, when another blue en- velope came to his desk two days lat- er, Mr. Smith opened itatonce. The first sentence set his hands to trem- bling: Dear Mrs. Davis—It's not; it’s Smith. I understand that he is a newspaper man. Could you give me any information concerning his whereabouts? Bes. The letter fell from his hand, “It's Jenny!'’ he said; ‘‘my little Jenny!" But the next issue of the Evening Planet carried only this: B.—Please send your address. For three days Mr. Smith broke all records by being the first man to reach the office. Then he found a blue envelope on his desk: Dear Mrs. Da I live at 478 Oak Stree Do you know Mr. Smith? Is he married? Jane Rodgers. P.S. Isigned my other letters Bessie. It seemed a profane thing to answer that through the columns of the Evening Planet, so a personal reply went forth that Mrs. Davis knew Mr. Smith—that, in fact, he worked on the Evening Planet. THE BOLD HUNTER. Adam Bird —* No, my dear. bird-seed, you might tempt me; but I 'll never fall for THE TEMPTATION IN BIRDLAND. If it were a bug or some an apple."* “He is not married,’’ the letter men- tioned casually —just casually. That night Mr. Smith strolled around to take a peep at 478 Oak Street. It wasa plain, ordinary, ten-family flat house, but the young man studied it rapturously. Suddenly a light went up on the third floor right, and the profile of a girl’s face was shadowed on the window shade. The AC Freee —~ “* Tf you ‘re so scairt of bein’ mistook for a baar an’ shot, why not pat on this bright red sweater ?"’ “Yes: an'—-but I might meet a bull moose."’