Judge, 1910-12-03 · page 25 of 52
Judge — December 3, 1910 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains satirical humor about early 20th-century American life: **"The Humorous Editor"** mocks newspaper advice columns. A woman visits the editor asking how to identify a bad dog—a seemingly absurd question. The editor dismissively suggests putting the dog in a cage and whispering through a funnel, then leaves for lunch. The joke targets both readers' ridiculous questions and editors' unhelpful responses. **"The Vanished Kid"** is a sentimental poem contrasting children's Christmas presents: wealthy kids get luxury toys (trains, boats, airships), while one poor child receives only rubber boots—forgotten and overlooked. **"What They Do Say"** compares how different economic classes discuss automobiles. The millionaire wants airships; the middle-class man enjoys his auto; the poor man wishes for a bicycle; the invalid is simply grateful to be healthy. It satirizes class-based materialism and changing transportation technology. **"What Santa Claus Brought"** depicts Santa delivering inappropriate gifts to tropical regions—oil stoves and ice cream freezers to Zulus and Esquimos—showing the absurdity of colonial-era attitudes toward indigenous peoples.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JU SHORT SMILES The Humorous Editor HE sharp-featured little woman with the faded umbrella un- der her arm, came boldly through the editorial rooms and halted at the first desk, where a big, shirt-sleeved man was drumming absently on a yellow pad and gazing over the roof-tops. “Whew!” breathed the big man in awe, as he sized up his visitor; “a suffragette, as I live.” But he was mistaken “Are you the editor that answers all the questions? al voice. Il except who discovered the North Pole.” message down here by mail last week and I have never heard fro Do you think I am going to spend a penn every day for your paper and then not find what I am looking for “Well—er, you see we have been a little rushed during the last few days, and maybe we overlooked it, What was the question you would like to have answered “Why, it isa very important one, You sce, we moved out in the country last month, and I would like to know how to tell a bad dog.” The big editor twitched his mustache reflectively “You would like to know how to tell a bad dog, eh?” That's what I'm here for.” “Well, madam, I'll tell you that question has really got my goat. In all these long years on the earth, I have never had any- thing to tell a bad dog. But I'll tell you confidentially, ma‘am, if you really have anything important to tell him, I'd advise you to put him in a strong cage and whisper it to him through a twenty- inch funnel. Good-day, ma'am. Looks something like snow off to the northwest.” And while the fiery little woman looked daggers and said she in- tended to sue the paper, the big editor calmly put on his hat and slipped out to lunch "she de- DGE The Vanished Kid J JUNNY gets a railroad Perfect in detail, Freddy gets a steamboat, Ploughs the rolling blue, Really churns the water, <\s the greyhounds do. Tommy gets an airship Which, with pinions spread, Climbs into the ether, Winging overhead. Where has gone the youngster, Memory uproots, Who received for Christmas A pair of rubber boots. What They Do Say and What They Could Say The Millionaire, I wish they had airships on the market. I certainly take comfort out of my arto. The Fairly Well-to-do Man. I certainly would get comfort out of an auto This having a bicycle to ride to work helps a lot. The Poor Man. I wish I had a bicycle to ride to work Glad I'm healthy and strong and really like to walk to work. The Invalid. bed-ridden, but I'm and that's a consola- Wish I were healthy and strong I may b and could walk to work again, still al tion WHAT SANTA CLAUS BROUGHT 1, “Just the thing! A consignment of oil stoves for the Esquimos and a load of ice cream freezers for the Zulus!" 3. "In the fierce heat of the tropics this freezer will be a constant joy to those poor, over-heated Zulus.”” 2, “It'll be a comfort for them to wake up in the morning and find a nice heater beside them.” __ 4 Next morning.—Oh, well, even Santa Claus can make a mistake once ina while. comicbooks.com