Judge — November 26, 1910 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE NEW CONVICTS’ SUIT. Suggested by the hobble skirt. It does away with the ball and chain. found impossible; and as for Noorich him- self, no amount of gilding derived from his vast fortune could disguise his everlasting commonness, But Vanderpeyster was persistent, and Mrs. Vanderpeyster had not cultivated the habit of saying no to her splendid son. Had he been of different caliber, it is to be feared that he would have been spoiled; but just as she was unable to refuse her heart years ago to his father, so was she now un- able long to oppose her son’s wishes. Hence it was that all was in readiness for the announcement of an engagement which should ‘‘stir society to its depths,’’ except the gaining of her father’s consent. So far Vanderpeyster had been unable to get close to the millionaire, but finally he was run to earth, and the young man put his question as simply and as manfully as he knew how. JUDGE “I love your daughter deeply, Mr. Noo- rich,"’ said he, as he seated himself in the drawing-room of the Onyx Bungalow at Newport. ‘She has told me that she loves me, and I have come to secure your consent to our marriage. I can give you any num- ber of references as to my character, and you, of course, know that my social posi- tion” “That ain't the p’int,” interrupted Noorich, throwing one leg over the arm of the red plush Morris chair in which he lay sprawl- ling, and gazing ad- miringly at his carpet slippers. ‘Social po- ion don’t cut no ice with me. The only social position I give a hang for is the one I am now ockypyin’, lyin’ off here in luxury that’s paid for, and the billson exhibition for all whom it may con- cern. The p'int with me is just this: Can you support my gal in the style to which she is accustomed?"’ “Well,” said Vanderpeyster, scratching his head dubiously, as he gazed around the heavily loaded drawing-room, ‘‘I don’t know that I can give her a lot of crayon copies of tintypes of her parents, made by traveling draftsmen, and sold, frame in- cluded, for two dollars, to hang upon her parlor walls. I rather doubt my ability to provide her with a red, white, and blue plush divan, with gold tassels at every cor- ner and yellow buttons in the tufts. I AN = SPITE “SATE AND SANE." Mate—‘But why bury the treasu. Would it not be better to put it in a savings bank ?'* Pirate captain—''No; we want .o put it where the personal property assessor will not get hold of it."" don’t think I could bring myself to decorate the mantelpieces of my home with tea-store bric-a-brac, varied with Rogers Groups in pairs. “T am sure,"’ he continued, ‘that my mother could not find time to provide our household with home-made tapestries de- picting the rise and fall of some new break- fast food, such as you have hanging in the GREAT EXPECTATIONS. “Gee! Quack is looking tough. He must be hitting the pace."* “Yes, he thinks he will be a tough bird by Christmas time."* panels of your hallway. As for the wall paper to which she is accustomed, I greatly fear I should not be able to find anything like it to put on the walls of my home, either here or in New York; and personally I don’t think I could be happy with my drawing-room decorated as this one is, with gold unicorns chasing pink peacocks around forests constructed of carmine lemon trees. But I'll tell you what I will do, if you will give me her hand. I will set apart one large room in my attic and decorate that in the style to which she is accustomed, so that when you visit us you will not miss the artistic atmosphere in which you now dwell.”” “Mr. Vanderpeyster,"’ roared the old ising on his elbow, ‘‘there is the “Thank you, Mr. Noorich,”’ said Vander- peyster, walking through it. ‘I am glad you told me. I should never have guessed it. It looked so like a target with which you had been playing archery, using ripe tomatoes instead of a bow and arrow.”” And with these words he was gone. Is it any wonder that the only way out of the complication was as indicated by the following notice in the next morning’s papers? MARRIED. VANDERPEYSTER— Nooricu. Suddenly, on Tuesday, September Umth, by the Rev. Weddem Quick, at the Little Church Around the Corner, Mabel, only daughter of Hiram J. Noorich, of Newport and Nevada, to Rockinham Vanderpeyster, Esq., of New York City. No cards. JOKES are not always what they are cracked up to be. comicbooks.com