Judge — November 19, 1910 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ONLY JUST JIMMIE. Maggie (to floorwaiker)—"* Can youse tell me where is me mudder? Chimmie is lost." Astronomical Sanitation. By WILLIAM WALLACE WHITELOCK HE COMETS have been disinfected, They come from nobody knows whe The dwellings on Mars are inspected For fire-escapes, plumbing, and air. The Milky Way's pasteurized daily, It’s perfectly safe, without doubt; And as for the Dipper, it's simply a ripper, It's polished both inside and out. The Dog Star is carefully muzzled, And filed are the claws of the Bear; While Cassiopeia is puzzled To know who 's been scrubbing her chair. Old Jupiter's course is well ordered 'Twas Keppler who brought him to book; ‘The Pole Star's long myst'ry is now ancient hist’ry Since it was discovered by Cook. Productive Advertising. First newsie—‘ Dese big advertisin’ guys mostly don't know how to write a fetchin’ ad. Didju ever notice?" “Not pertickler. How?" First newsie—'* Well, here’s an example. De odder day I lost me dawg, and I stuck in an ad in de classified like dis: Second newsie OST—Yaller dawg answerin’ to de name o' Swipes. Will be known after t'ree days more by symptoms of hydrophobia. I got him back nextday. You've got to understan’ human natur’ to get results from ads."" Something Lacking. McCarthy—‘An’ how do ye loike the new fireless cooker Oi hear ye’ve got?” Maloney—‘Rotten! Shure, there's no satisfaction takin’ off me shoes and restin’ me feet on the edge of a thing loike thot!"” JUDGE Short Sermons. By J.J. O'CONNELL. ye only time the average young man is disposed to take a back seat is when he goes to church with his best girl. Conscience is like a corn; you never knew you had one until it begins to bother you. Remorse is what we feel when we fail in doing what we should- n't have done. The trouble with the fellow who blows his own horn is that he never loses his wind. Most of those fel- lows who get to the top seem to be inspired with the am be the man higher up. Truth is stranger than fiction because it seldom has a happy ending. The hero of a novel win sthe heart of the reader long before he does that of the heroine. The only time a woman doesn’t forget what trumps are is when she plays the game of love. The high cost of living is rapidly getting to be the price that staggers humanity. No Chance for the Main Chance. eGR” tartly says the lady of uncertain age to the floorwalker, ‘‘is there any way of getting one of these salesmen to pay me some attention?” “Well,"’ says the floorwalker confiden- tially, “I'll introduce you to any one of them you fancy; but I'll tell you now that all of them have their steadies."" Sounds Good. RECENT advertisement of the New York Hippodrome says it is the Apoc- alypse of All Antecedent Achievement in the An- nals of Magnificent Spec- tacle. We do not know what that is, but no doubt it is easily worth the price of admission. Deceptive. LL many a cigar Of a five-cent brand Looks like a Havana In a ten-cent band. HENEVER Colonel Roosevelt puts a ion before the house, fe to say that the 8" have it. Vv Shrewd Father. “a ERCY on us!" exclaims the mother. ‘Geraldine has eloped with the chauf- feur!"" “Telegraph them our forgiveness,"’ promptly says the father. “They can live with us. Huh! I guess that will not only shut off his big salary, but will cut down those garage bills.” Slow Work. Mrs. Crabshaw “Why would they have had to keep the polls open until after sun- down if the women had voted this year?” Crabshaw—'To give those in hobble skirts a chance to get there."” Obliging Senator. Constituent—‘* But, Senator, these bills are suffering from lack of attention.”’ Senator—'*Very well. At the next session I will kill them and put them out of misery.”” Thanksgiving. ET winter woes and cares suffice— Be thankful that you don’t need ice. HE EMPTIER the head the harder it is to fill. *B°B ADOAMS ~ “I ALWAYS SAID BILL WAS A CHEAP SPORT.” comicbooks.com