Judge — November 12, 1910 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “It's all right for the successfal man to say that ‘every cloud has a silver lining.’ He can sce it."" What I Call Real Homesickness. By JOHN D WELLS “1 you want t" know what bome fs get away from it." — Eben Ts ie INCE I've been a-traipsin’ roun’, Here an’ there from town t’ town,’ *Spatiatin’ on the points, Patunt rights, an’ extry joints Dobbses Dashless Churn has got— Lyin’ "bout it, like as not!— Sellin’ folks ‘blue sky,”’ as the Sayin’ is, it seems t’ me I've had more than usual time To reflect on things, an’ I’m Plum convinced that home is jest Better place than all the re An’ gets better, too, to Further off you get from 'Tain’t so bad t’ ease your mind, Thinkin’ home ain't far behind— Hunderd miles, perhaps, or two, Ain't upsettin’ none t’ you; But y’ get so far away, Postal cyards that's mailed t'day Won't get there for, Lordy knows! Much ’fore Gabrul's trumpet blows !— Then’s the time y’ feel your mouth Sort 0’ droopin’ north an’ south, An" you'd give your chance for wings Jest t’ see ol’ folks an’ things Trumpet vines an’ ivy, too, Twistin’ round the heart 0’ you. Head it off! Pull down your vest! Gallivant off further West Manful-like, as if you wa'n’t None upset by such a jaunt "Way from home; but presently Every dadburned tree y’ see Is the ‘‘weepin’ willer” kind, Sort 0” havin’ you in mind! Whipperwills sing sadder there— Lonesomer—than anywhere! 'Twell at last you simply durn Dobbses Patunt Dashless Churn, Plank your heart an’ wallet dow: “What's the fare t’ Morgantown RUNHILDA would like to have us tell her when we think a young girl should marry, and we cheerfully reply that it all depends on the young girl. On gen- eral principles, how- ever, we should say that the best time is as soon as the right young man is able to support her in the style to which she thinks she can get accustomed. “My best young man tells me that I am the apple of his eve,” writes Sa- mantha. ‘*Now, while lam not young, Iam very inexperienced, and I should like to have you tell me in an early issue of your bright little paper whether or not it is safe to marry a man who talks that way?'"’ No, Samantha, itis notsafe. Green apples are not safe under any circumstances, and you would better be kind and let him off. An amateur aviator wishes to know if we can tell him of any method by which he may retain his nerve in making an ascent. “I get very nervous every time 1 start my aeroplane,” he writes, ‘‘and I am afraid it will make trouble for me some time before I get through.’’ We regret to say that we Answers to Correspondents. do not believe there is any such method. We have watched all the famous aviators at work, and we have yet to see one of them who has not gone up in the air at the out- set. “‘My husband invariably greets my pies with the statement that they are not the kind his mother used to make, although, in confidence, the old lady makes the worst pies I ever ate,"’ writes Esmeralda Wiggles- worth. ‘Is there anything I can do to cure him of the habit?’’ Yes, Esmeralda. In- vite his mother to visit you and let her make the pies in future. If what you say about their quality is true, he will be forced to admit that she doesn’t make the kind she used to make, either. Bildad writes that he has recently started a dairy and wishes to know what hand is the best one to use when milking a cow. We are but amateurs in the dairy business ourselves, but it has been our experience that the best results are obtained by using a farmhand for this purpose. We never milked a cow ourselves, and only tried it once, and we then found, what with holding the cow with one hand and the pail with the other, that outside assistance was impera- tively necessary. One from Papa. 66D APA,” asks the little boy, ‘‘why do they say a woman is ‘setting her cap’ for a man when she wants to marry him?"’ “Because, my son,"’ explains the father, softly, ‘‘if she sets her bonnet for him she knows blamed well the price of it will scare him to death.”” DITORS, readers, advertisers, and the greatest of these is advertisers. SQUIRREL AERONAUTICS Mr. Mustrat—' Look ! there goes Billie Frog in an airship.’* Mr. Jack R2bbit—"Yes, that flying squirrel is making a fortune renting himself out for an aeroplane."* comicbooks.com