Judge, 1910-11-12 · page 6 of 24
Judge — November 12, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains **two main satirical pieces**: **"A White Man's Song"** mocks American vaudeville's obsession with exotic or marginalized characters. The poem's speaker is an ordinary white man frustrated that songwriters ignore decent, conventional people like him—focusing instead on racial caricatures ("Jap," "coon," "Chinee"), immigrants, and stereotyped "ragtime" subjects. The satire targets both vaudeville's sensationalism and middle-class anxieties about being culturally invisible. **"A Paris Incident"** satirizes wealthy American heiresses and French aristocratic behavior. An American gentleman witnesses titled French noblemen harassing a well-dressed woman at a train station. When he protests, a Parisian reveals the "victim" is actually a rich American heiress—and the nobleman explains the chase was competition among aristocrats to court her millions, not harassment. The joke mocks both the predatory behavior of European nobility toward American wealth and the absurdity of mistaking fortune-hunting for crime. Both pieces reflect turn-of-the-century American anxieties about class, immigration, and international relations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THIS IS NO JOKE. Songs You Haven't Heard in Vaudeville. ‘A White Man's Song. « By EDMUND VANCE COOKE I™ A DECENT sort of a white mi I pay my rent when due, I'm neither a dull nor a bright man; I'm very much like you. I love my children and my wife; I work from day to day, And I'm very well satisfied with life In a quiet sort of way. cor So no one ever writes a song about me; Composers seem to get along without me. I'm not a Jap, I’m not a coon, A hobo or a picaroon, An Indian, nor yet Chinee, An Esquimau or chimpanzee, And so I'm not a ragtime rage, A ragtime rage, a ragtime rage, And so I'm not a ragtime rage Upon the modern vaudeville stage. I dress in decent fashion, According to the time; My hair is not a passion, My clothes are not a crime. I live upon a-wholesome plan, As people mostly do; I'm very much the sort of man Who lives at home with you. cuorus. So no one ever sings a song about me. Composers seem to get along without me. I'm not a freak, I’m not a fad; My morals are not very bad, My habits and my clothes are sane; I'm firm of heart and sound of brain, And as I’m on the vaudeville shelf, The vaudeville shelf, the vaudeville shelf, And as I'm on the vaudeville shelf, I’ve made this song about myself. “DINNER IS SERVED." JUDGE A Paris Incident. A’ AMERICAN gen- tleman, just arrived in Paris, was loitering at the railway station, when he observed a country woman of his, handsomely gowned and bedecked with costly jewels, alight from a train and start to walk hurriedly out of the depot. But hardly had she tak- en ten steps when she was surrounded by a crowd of men, who began to jostle and accost the already frightened for- eigner in such a rude man- ner that the American gentleman's blood was up in an instant. He appea’ed to an idle policeman for help for his country woman, but that official merely laughed at him. When he again looked toward the mob’s victim, he saw her run- ning distractedly along the station platform, closely pursued by the crowd, which did not leave off till the pursued had leaped into a motor cab and was being driven rapidly toward a fashionable hotel several squares distant. His blood still tingling at this sight, the American gentleman approached a distin- guished-appearing stranger in high hat and cane, who stood a few paces off and seemed as greatly affected as himself. “It’s ashame to allow such a thing in the very heart of a civilized city!’’ he de- clared. ‘Did you witness the way those men treated that American lady?” “Yes, m’sieur,"’ was the reply. know who zat lady was?"" “No, Ido not; but I repeat that it is an outrage the way those hoodlums treated that lady!” “No, no, m’sieur! stand. “Do you You do not under- Those are not hoodlums, but titled French gentlemen of ze nobility, and ze lady is no other than an American heiress with six millions! I'd have gotten in ze game, too, only I’ve got ze gout and can’t run."" PPRESH eggs are very, very high, Oh, will they nev- er stop? But we don’t want to be close by In case the others drop. “LOOK UPON THIS PICTURE, THEN ON THAT." It is our observation that these ‘* prominent society women "' don't always resemble their portraits. X-Science us. High Cost of Living. Fo THOSE perplexed by the problems of modern life and the ‘‘high cost of living’? they entail, the X-Science treat- ment herewith is recommended: Food Problem. Whenever hunger besets you, order in your mind everything your appetite craves for, then concentrate and—thoroughly di- gest the matter at hand. Money Problem. When in need of funds, just sit quiet and —indulge in favorable speculation. Vacation Problem. To save yourself the expense of a vaca- tion at the seashore, don your bathing suit at home and—plunge yourself into a sea of thought. Amusement Problem. If for amusement you desire the joys of the aeroplane, for example—let your thoughts be elevating and soar high above the things of life. Drink Problem. To eliminate the expense and enjoy the pleasures of the saloon in your own home— become thoroughly intoxicated with the stimulating influence of your surroundings. Burglar Problem. Whenever a burglar breaks into your house, lie quiet in bed and calmly—grapple with the subject until you have mastered. Would Be a Calamity. ee HAT strikes you as about the worst thing that could happen?” “For JupcE to suspend publication."”