Judge — November 12, 1910 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

contests having been hit in the eye by the flying puck, critics of the game are advocat- ing the elimination of this feature of With the puck removed and stuffed clubs substituted for hockey sticks, it is believed that the games of the coming winter can be played without subjecting the players to in- jury, especially if the new rule permitting them to wear sofa cushions in the seat of their trousers to break the jar of an occa- sional fall on the ice is retained by the com- mittee on revision. New features for field sports suggested by advocates of sterilized sport for the young comprise throwing the tack hammer, put- ting the bird shot, and the staircase stretch, The value of the first two is that bystanders, if hit by the tack hammer or a piece of bird shot, will not be so seriously injured as they are when struck by the objects in use in the heavier hammer and shot events, while the staircase stretch, which consists in two or more contestants seeing who can step up the greatest number of treads in one step with- out a boost of any kind, is not only amusing, but very strengthening to the legs. THE SAFETY GATE AT THE JUNGLETOWN GRADE CROSSING. JUDGE The New York Daily Gazoo has offered a hand- some silver cup in its suburban coffee Mara- thon. The man who can swallow a hot cup of cof- fee while starting from his home at eight a. m., catching the eight-five train at a distance of not less than five hundred yards or more than six hundred yards, without spilling any of it or break- ing either the cup or saucer, the greatest number of successive mornings in any of the winter months, will be- come the permanent holder of the cup, which is a chaste affair, repre- senting a coffee grinder, with wings on either side, standing on a base made in the image of an inverted popover. Sense and Nonsense. A BOSTON newspaper says that Samuel Winterton, of Keyport, N. J., arose in his seat at Sunday school last Sun- day to announce that for 2,496 consecutive Sun- days he had not missed a Sunday-school lesson. The journal does not state whether little Sam- uel is still in the infant class or not, but, any- how, forty-eight years of consecutive attendance is a pretty good record for acchild of any age. Certainly, Bolivar, you can say that the aviators are uppish people who look down on everybody else, if you want to. We have searched the statutes carefully and there seems to be no law against it; but please don’t say it tous. We have just completed one term for assault and bat- tery, and propose to re- mainon our good behavior until after Christmas time, anyhow. In other than primeval times Adam and Eve might have fared a little better. Their expulsion doubtless would have oc- curred just the same, but they might at least have had the consolation of a minority report to leave to posterity. ~ BG ACOAMS “* Say, mister, kin youse give a poor feller a little ter help git his winter fedders outer hock ?’ A Boston newspaper tells of how one of its fellow-citizens was set upon recently by thugs and kicked on the Common. We don’t know precisely where the common is in the Boston anatomy, but, somehow or other, it seems less painful than the New York report of an inoffensive gentleman who was punched in the Central Park the other night. We don’t know how true it is, but we have been told that a Western librarian has catalogned William Vaughn Moody’s book, “The Great Di " under the head of “Works on Socialism. A fashion item announces that ‘‘thin stuffs will be quite the rage with women this year." We venture to predict, how- ever, that any fat stuff with money will not find himself unpopular, in spite of fashion’s decree. Reflections of Uncle Ezra. By ROY K. MOULTON SOME fellers get a reputation for knowl- edge by goin’ toa university for four years, while others save time by simply buyin’ a pair of thick nose-glasses. No man ever died in the poorhouse who carried fiftee or twenty yards of string wrapped around his wallet. The kind of a gal to marry is one who can look as neat at nine o'clock in the mornin’ as she does at nine o'clock in the evenin’. You can’t always tell a poet when you see him on the street. You are just as liable as not to pick out some feller with the tooth- ache for one. Job was a mere cry-baby when you come to compare him for patience with the one- armed feller who has got a wife who buttons up the back. I see another American airess has married a furrin duke who has got a coronet, but she will have to be hty fond of music to get along with him if he plays on the dang thing very much. When a feller uses violet ink he is either in iuv or he is runnin’ a shine gold-minin’ scheme. icbooks.com 5