Judge — November 5, 1910 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S ALPHABET FOR BASEBALL FANS. HANS WAGNER OF THE PITTSBURGH NATIONALS. can stand for no one In the baseball hall of fame But for good old Hanus Wagner, Every fan must cheer that name. At the bat or in the short field Hans has long held sway as king; His achievements will for many ball generations ring. By Way of Change. “‘John,’’ said his wife, ‘‘I have lots of things I want to talk to you about.” “That's good,” answered Mr. Spend- ers; ‘generally you want to talk to me about things you haven’t got."’—Buffalo Express. Contradictions. The contradictions of life are many. An observant man remarked recently that he was prowling about a certain city square when he came upon a drink- ing fountain which bore two conflicting inscriptions. One, the original inscrip- tion on the fountain, was from the Bible: ‘‘And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.’’ Above this hung a placard, ‘‘Please do not waste the water.’’—Western Christian Advocate, Seasonable Reflection. “I consider him as honest as the day is long.”” “Yes; but the days are getting shorter.""—New York Telegram. The ‘‘frost’’ that puts the theatrical production out of business is not the same one that puts the pie edge on the pumpkin.— Youngstown Telegram. PACKER S Sra TAR SOAP PURE AS THE Pines: JUDGE A Yard of Pork. Rev. Robert Humphreys tells the fol- lowing story which is related of the Rev. Griffith Jones, a noted Welsh humorist: The Rev. Jones was standing in the door of a store which he conducted in his home town when he was approached by a resident, who, knowing his fond- ness for a joke, asked, “Can you sell me a yard of pork to- day “Yes, sir,”” promptly answered Jones. “How much is it?’’ “Just six shillings.’’ Bent on carrying the joke to its end, the man paid over his six shillings. The pastor storekeeper went to the inside of the store and soon returned with three pigs’ feet. ‘There's one foot, and there’s two feet, and there’s three feet,’’ he counted; ‘‘and anybody knows that three feet make a yard.” The customer got more than his six shillings’ worth telling the joke to his friends.— Youngstown Telegram. “Rise up an’ help yo’self,’? said Brother Williams, ‘‘an’ stop distractin’ de angels by yo’ constant cry fer help. Ef Providence seen that you was willin’ ter roll up yo’ sleeves an’ work fer yo’ livin’, He might help you ter find it."”"— F. L. Stanton. The First Taste. LEARNED TO DRINK COFFEE WHEN A BABY. If parents realized the fact that coffee contains a drug—caffeine—which is espe- cially harmful to children, they would doubtless hesitate before giving the babies coffee to drink. “‘When I was a child in my mother’s arms and first began to nibble things at the table, mother used to give me sips of coffee. As my parents used coffee exclusively at meals, I never knew there was anything to drink but coffee and water. “And so I contracted the coffee habit early. I remember when quite young the continual use of coffee so affected my parents that they tried roasting wheat and barley, then ground it in the coffee mill, as a substitute for coffee. “But it did not taste right and they went back to coffee again. That was long before Postum was ever heard of. I continued to use coffee until I was 27, and when I got into office work I began to have nervous spells. Especially after breakfast I was so nervous I could scarcely attend to my correspondence. “At night, after having coffee for supper, I could hardly sleep, and on ris- ing in the morning would feel weak and nervous. “*A friend persuaded me to try Postum. My wife and I did not like it at first, but later, when boiled good and strong, it was fine. Now we would not give up Postum for the best coffee we ever tasted. “I can now get good sleep, am free from nervousness and headaches. I rec- ommend Postum to all coffee drinkers. Read ‘‘The Road to Wellville,’’ in packages. “There's a Reason.”” Ever read the above letter? A mew one appears from time to time. They a genuine, true, and full of human interest. | Purity of Ingredients, including the water, Absence of Artificial Gases or Preservatives, Freedom from False Ferments and Harmful Acidity, make the perfect malt beverage which it is, A eatural product rich in blood and booe-making qualities, DISTURBING SPORT. “‘Confound that airman! He's making such a commotion up there, he ll scare every one of my pheasants.’? —Journal Amusant, Wise Brakeman. An Irishman had received a job as brakeman on a railroad in a mountainous section in Pennsylvania and was to be paid a certain amount per mile as wages. On one of the first trips the engineer lost control of his train, and at a danger- ous rate it went speeding down the steep grades, Suddenly the conductor saw his Irish companion, who had been clinging to the running board for dear life, make a move as though to rise, and, fearful that he intended to jump, the conductor yelled, ‘‘Don’t jump! You'll be killed!’” The greenhorn shouted back, ‘‘An’ do you think Oi’m fool enough to jump whin Oi'm making money as fast as Oi am now?"’—Cleveland Press. Wanted: Arbitration. Jones, the barber, was fumbling at the keyhole about two a. m., the door being bolted and barred inside. After a while an upstairs window opened and a woman's stern voice called, ‘‘What do you want? Where have you been till this hour?”’ “I wanter come in, darling,’’ he re- plied meekly. ‘Been down to th’ shop *scussin’ th’ sh-treet railroad sh-trike.’”” “Very well, then,” was the icy re- sponse. “Now you can go back and dis- cuss the lockout."’"—Blue Bull. Every lover of a good cocktail should call for Abbott's Bitters. Makes the best. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be apprecinted. comicbooks.com