Judge, 1910-11-05 · page 11 of 24
Judge — November 5, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains political satire targeting **President Theodore Roosevelt**, who is the implicit target of the longest piece, "If Only!" The poem sarcastically suggests Roosevelt would be irrelevant if Americans had basic necessities and contentment—a critique of his activist presidency and constant public visibility. The **top cartoon** depicts customs inspection, contrasting "Foreign vs. American Customs." A wealthy woman entering declares nothing, claiming foreign nobility marriage exempts her from American rules—satirizing both class pretension and the perceived privilege of the wealthy. **"Political Pen-points"** briefly mocks regional politics: Texas's "Bailey-ache" (likely Senator Joseph Bailey), Tennessee's preference for short governors, and Bryan's newspaper becoming "commoner." The **"Specialized Magazines"** section humorously lists emerging niche publications (Mush, The Cowboy, etc.), reflecting early 20th-century publishing trends. Minor jokes include wordplay on "plugged coin" (a fake coin) and a pun about keeping "a cent" (penny) as a married man—suggesting marriage means financial constraint. The overall tone is typical Judge satirical humor: attacking Roosevelt's omnipresence, mocking social pretension, and observing contemporary trends.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
=m heal FOREIGN VS. AMERICAN CUSTOMS. “* Have you anything to declare, madam ? ** Good gracious, no ! If Only! [F ALL the people in the land Were blind and deaf and dumb Then Roosevelt might just as well Stay home and suck his thumb. If all the people in the land Had lots of wood and coal Then Roosevelt might just as well Pound sand in a rat hole. If all the people in the land Rode on a private train— Then Roosevelt might just as we!l Farm out his mighty brain. If all the people in the land On terrapin were lunching— Then Roosevelt might just as well Cheeze, cheeze—his hot air punching. If every father owned a hog And twenty kids to eat it— Then Roosevelt mizht just as well Turn right around and beat it. If every politician was As easy riled and huffy— Then Roosevelt would have to take It on the Arthur Duffy. If everybody, every meal, Had peach and cherry pie— Then Roosevelt might just as well Kiss Roosevelt good-by. If everybody, everywhere, Owned everything in sight— Then Fame would say to Roosevelt, “Ring off, old chap—good-night !"" Any laces, jewelry, or furs ?"" Don't be foolish. Political Pen-points. HE State of Texas is still suffering with the Bailey-ache. The Tennessee Democrats regarded their last Governor as ‘‘short,’’ and now they seek to elect one who is even bob-tailer. Bryan's paper is growing commoner and commoner. Maid— THERE'S A MAN AT THE DOOR WITH A WOODEN LEG, MUst."* Mutras —"*ow, TELL HIM WE WANT ANY." bos’r I’ ve been married to a foreign nobleman for two years." Specialized Magazines. O*E OF the latest magazines to roll its caster into the parlor of specialized literature is Ere long or shortly all magazines will probably be specialized somewhat as follows: Mush—The magazine of love. It's All Over Now—Devoted entirely to tales of chivalry. The Cowboy—Nothing but wild, woolly, Western tales. . It’s Coming Up—Stories about the sea, life on the ocean wave, and shipping before the mast. Ups and Downs—Articles about aviation and aviators. Cash—All about the working girls. Ua~—-In which there's nothing but editqyial “theart-to-heart"’ talks. Such a Hard Fall. YOUNG King Manuel sat on a wall, Young King Manuel had a great fall; All the king’s horses and all the king’s men Couldn’t put Manuel up there again. Adventure. A Useful Plugged Coin. Smith—‘‘ Why do you carry that old plugged coin around with you ?”” Brown—‘‘ I'm married now, and I like to say I'm able to keep a cent in my pocket."" comicbooks.com