Judge — November 5, 1910 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wisdom from a Jester’s Notebook. HE Treasury Department has decided that the new five and ten dollar bills are hereafter to be a good deal smaller, for which we are sincerely sorry. We have to strain our eyes unnecessarily to see them now with any desirable de- gree of frequency. A lemon w ing ahun- dred and fifty-five pounds reported from California. It is only gallantry that restrains us from saying that we have seen heavier lemons than that Fact is, we have little 3 at the expense of old in New England. sympathy with jol maids, anyhow. If I had a motor that wouldn't go, Do you think I'd wallop it? Oh, no, no! I'd fill up the tank with fresh naphtha beans And blow the whole business to smithere: And drive all my neighbors To think I'd a brand-new airyoplane When the baby kisses his own toes, who can deny that the family circle is com; While strolling past the insane a: the oth AND THE STORY CAME TRUE. Fox—"' Do you believe in reincarnation ?"" ve—"' Well, really, I hadn't thought about it.— Why? Fox—"* Because something tells me you will shortly be turned into a fox."” the window of the second floor and landed at our feet. Upon it we found the follow- ing lines: No more we hear the froglet, with his deep- toned **Chug-ker-chunks. ”” He is sleeping, softly sleeping, in his lily- padded bunks. The katydid is hidden And has stopped her deedashed diddin’, And the punkin in the medder gayly punks, punks, punks; Yes, the punkin in the medder gayly punks! We cannot resist the temptation to ex- press our great satisfaction that at least one poet is suitably provided with winter Would there were more of them quarters. there! JUDGE We don’t like to intimate that our friend Bildad has a weakness in his attic, but when he insists upon putting seventeen dol- lars in the slot of a mail box, under the im- pression that the postal savings bank man- agers will regard it as a proper deposit, we are forced to the conclusion that Bildad would not recognize a bean if one of those luscious edibles were to call upon him with the most unimpeachable letters of identifica- tion. A Massachusetts man who has tried it says that common sand properly sterilized is a better remedy for dyspepsia and indigestion than any other known medicine. Here is a chance for some enterprising American to buy the Sahara and sell it in pills at a dollar a box. An optimist is a man who thinks that the fellow who leads an ultra-fast life is doing it as the best method yet invented for get- ting Satan behind him. After all, why shouldn't Abou Ben Ad- hem’s name have led all the rest? He seems to us, as a mere matter of alphabet- to have been entitled to the distinction, If his name had been Zenas Ben Zaza, it would have been different. The Boston Globe remarks that ‘Connie Mack may lead the champions of the Amer- gue, but after his wedding he will ical privil ly in the lead.”” All the , by a judicious series of home runs, Connie ought to be able to Chicago is getting boastful over a cheese that weighs two tons; but, after all, we have eaten one mild little Welsh rabbit in a New York hotel that weighed more heavily than that of our digestion. ged much about it, upon the s We haven't bra either. Along lines of matrimonial ad- vice, we haven't seen anything better than that of the father who, observing his son on the edge of a puppy-love alliance, admonished him to ‘‘repent in haste and marry at leisure.’’ It is even better than Mr. Punch’s famous ‘‘Don’t,’’ which, if followed too closely by everybody, would utterly wreck the mother-in-law industry. We know a philandering philoso- pher who says that widow's weeds are very attractive as long as you don't try to smoke them. He probably tried some and they either went up in smoke or turned to ashes. Anyhow, his observation smacks of similar remarks made by the burnt child who forever looking after the after dreaded furnace. ] T besins to look as though derby hats and four-in-hand neckties have come to stay. THE WOMAN IN THE CASE. Tempering the Wind. UILTILY little Nan tiptoed into the house and presented herself before the family in the dining-room. She had been told in the middle of the afternoon that she might go to a neighbor’s and play for one hour, and here it was very late and the family half through dinner. She looked anxiously into her mother’s eyes, and then, before any one had time to speak, she said solemnly, ‘‘Mother, teacher says if, when we are awful mad at some one, we stop and count ten, we never do anything we are sorry for."* ACCOUNTED FOR. Finnegan—'* Oi horn't seen Rafferty fer six months !"" Flakerty—"' He owes me fifty cints, too !"" , is comicbooksicom