Judge — October 8, 1910 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT. {ING FROM PARIS. His Substitute. After dinner at the café the bachelor had invited the crowd to his apartment fora little music, ete. They were look- ig around. said the pretty girl; “but no kitchenette. How in the world do you do without a kitchenette?” i ion,”? he said; e manage to worry along fairly ve got a boozerette, you Thicagy Inter-Ocean, A Wise Woman. “Why do you watch the baseball bul- ns so carefally?”* asked one woman. “My husband is an enthusiast over the game,”’ repiied the other. “I make it a rule never to discuss household or millinery expenses with him except on days when the home team wins.""— Washington Star, Natural Objections. SaidMrs. Giraffe, With a simpering laugh, “My neck’s such a wonderful stretcher That I'd never get through If I tarried to chew As directed by dear Dr. Fletcher.”” —Youngstown Telegram, Lady eustomer-—"* Do you keep coffee in the bean?”” Now clerk—* Upstairs, madam; this is the ground floor.""—Princeton Tiger. If You Want Hair ny When Old a \ 2, PACKER’S TAR SOAP cleansing, of its pure pine. table oils have given it an exclusive character, with unvarying results, for over 35 years. THE PACKER MFG. CO., New York and tonic properties ycerine and sweet vege- JUDGE |WHAT OUR GRANDFATHERS SMILED OVER.|;Put Your Mind Pickings trom “Joe Miller's Joke Book,” “Leslie's Budget of Fun,” and other humorous publications Overshooting the Mark. “Why, when I was your age, my father would not allow me to go out of the house after dark,"’ said the pater. “Then you had a nice sort of a father, you had!" retorted the young profligste. Whereupon the pater vociferated, ‘I |had a confounded sight better one than you have, you young rascal !"” The Bible says that the race is not al- ways to the swift, and young men should bear in mind that the race is not always je the ‘‘fast."” A FOOD DRINK WHICH BRINGS DAILY ENJOYMENT. A lady doctor writes: “Though busy hourly with my own affairs, I will not deny myself the pleas- ure of taking a few minutes to tell of my enjoyment daily obtained from my morning cup of Postum. beverage, not a poison like coffee. “I began to use Postum eight years ago, not because I wanted to, but be cause coffee, which I dearly loved, made mny nights long, weary periods to be Ieeaded and unfitting me for business during the day. “On the advice of a friend, I first tried Postum, making it carefully as directed on the package. As I had al- ways used ‘cream and no sugar,’ I mixed my Postum so. It looked good, was clear and fragrant, and it was a pleas- ure to see the cream color it as my Ken- tucky friend always wanted her coffee to look—‘like a new saddle.” “Then I tasted it critically, for I had tried many ‘substitutes’ for coffee. 1 was pleased, yes, satisfied, with my Postum in taste and effect, and am yet, being a constant user of it all these years, |” “IT continually assure my friends and acquaintances that they will like it in place of coffee, and receive benefit from its use. I have gained weight, can sleep sound and am not nervous."” “There's a Reason."” Read “The Road to Wellville,”* in packages. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears trom time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. The Quaker’s Way. officer was sent to execute awrit against a Quaker. On arriving | wife, It is a food} Headed Off by His Wife. A candidate for congressional honors, who is ‘up to a dodge or two" and has a keen appreciation of live beauty, when about to’ set off on his canvass through the country, said to his wife, who was to accompany him, “My dear, inasmuch as this election is contested and the canvass will be close, I am anxious to leave nothing un- done that would promote my popularity, and so I have thought it would be a good plan for me to kiss a number of pretty girls in every place where I may have to address theelectors, Don’t you think that would be a good idea?”’ “*Capital!"’ exclaimed the devoted “And to make your election a sure thing, while you are kissing the handsomest girls, 1 will kiss an equal number of the handsomest young men!"" “Madam,” said one French gentle- man introducing another, ‘this is the Marquis de ——; and I is not such a fool as he looks." “Madam,” quietly remarked the marquis, with a bow, ‘my friend has just stated the exact difference between himself and me.”* The Hint Was Taken. The captain who was chaffed avout his baldness, and retorted, in the hear- ing of the Duke of York, that it was due to junior officers stepping over his head, obtained his promotion quicker than if he had sought the bubble reputa- tion even at the cannon’s mouth. Inland Navigation. Our friend Jones was riding up in Winchester County, in September last, and saw a board nailed upon a past in the yard of a farmhouse, with the sign painted on it, ‘‘This Farm for Sail."” Always ready for a little pleasantry, and seeing a woman in achecked aun- honnet picking up an apronful of chips at the woodpile in front of the house, he stopped and asked her very politely when the farm was to sail. She went on with her work, but replied to his question instanter, “Just as soon as the man comes along who can raise the wind. Jones hit Dobbin a sudden cut with the whip and dashed on, cailing out, “Ga long, there! What ye doing here?” Every lover of a good cocktail should call for at the house he saw the Quaker's wife, | auiott's Bitters, Makes the best. who, in reply to the inquiry whether her husband was at home, answered in the affirma- tive, at the same time request- ing him to be seated and her husband would speedily see him. The officer waited some time, but the fair Quakeress coming into the room, he re- minded her of her promise that he should see her husband. “Nay, friend, I promised he should see thee. Hedid not like thy looks, therefore avoided thee, and has left the house by another path.’” A Hint. The loving couple had reached the outer portals of the front door and were there going through the process of part- ing. “When I say good-night to | you this evening, do you think it would be perfectly proper for me to kiss your hand?” | Well,” she sighed, laying her head on his shoulder, 1) should consider it out of | place.’ \ at Rest by drinking Evans Ale It brings solace to both brain anu body and prevents the wear and waste of work and worry. 1 Clute, Cafes, Opater Rainbows and Ribbons. All nature was calm, and peacefully lay The meadows and groves in the verdure of May; The raindrops were glistening like gems on the trees, For the spring shower had passed on the soft, cooling breeze. In the eastern sky hung adark thunder- cloud, Which had ceased to give forth its mut- tering loud; The streams were all dancing, the birds were all out And merrily chased each other ubout. O’er the hills in the distance, suspended was seen all decked in its glorious ni And Clara, meanwhile, looked on with surprise, to see the bright arch in All at once she looked thoughtful at me. “Do women in heaven wear bonnets?” said she. “For see, Harry, quick! look up in the sky! The angels have hung out th to dry!” grave and ribbons Consolation. He was very bashful and she tried to make it easy for him. They were driv- ing along the seashore and she became silent for a time. “What's the matter?”’ he asked. “Oh, I feel blue," she replied. “*N body loves me, and my hands are cold “You should not say that,"’ was h word of consolation, ‘for God love you, and your mother loves you, and you can sit on your hands."” ONE EXPLANATION “* 2apa, is that the way our milkman ge:s so much water in our milk ?"* In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com