Judge, 1910-10-01 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 1, 1910 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical elements typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"The Return" Poem:** A sentimental verse celebrating autumn's return, emphasizing crisp weather, children back from summer, and family gatherings—likely mocking the era's romanticized nostalgia for rural/domestic life. **"Daffynitions":** Humorous mock-definitions satirizing contemporary figures and professions. The "Fat Doctor" and "Lawyer" entries mock doctors who profit excessively and lawyers' fee-dependency. "Red" satirizes danger signals and, pointedly, "women's cheeks"—mocking women's cosmetics use. "Silence" contains dark humor about noise pollution, possibly referencing airships (referenced in the cartoon caption above). **"Captain Fibb's Yarns":** A tall-tale comic strip mocking adventure fiction clichés—a braggart sailor rescuing a princess through implausibly convenient heroics, then winning her affection. The exaggerated narrative parodies both adventure literature and male vanity. The page exemplifies Judge's blend of sentimental satire, social commentary on gender/class, and absurdist humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Return. By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS. H, THE fresh and crispy autumn, With its nights so sweetly cool! Oh, the kiddies back from summer, Withan honest thirst for school ! There’s no time like crisp October In the calendar 80 sleek, When the frost is on the bumpkin And the tan’s on Polly’s cheek! Oh, the coming days so jolly, When October's on the jump, And we bob for floating apples In the trough beneath the pump! Oh, the glorious corn huskin; And the red-eared victim's shriek, When the frost is on the bumpkin And the tan’s on Polly’s cheek! Ob, the gala dress of cities ‘When the family reappears! How the dusty highways freshen, How the dreary prospect cheers, When the women go a-shopping, Sundry bargains for to seek, And the frost is on the bumpkin And the tan’s on Polly’s cheek! Hear the blazing logs a-hissing On the bsoad hearth all aglow! Now they’re laughing, now they're weeping, O'er some tale of joy or woe. What a joy to sit and ponder, While the outer world is bleak, When the frost is on the bumpkin And the tan’s on Polly’s cheek! No, there’s ne'er a time like autumn In the range of gladsome days, When the trees all change their garments And the hills are all ablaze; When my Polly sits beside me, Back from seashore and from peak, And the frost is on the bumpkin ‘And her tan’s upon my cheek! “HERE COMES ANOTHER CHIMBLY FROM THEM AIRSHIPS |” Daffynitions. AASTLFAT DOCTOR—A physician who lives off the fat of the land. Iron—That ingredient found in deter- mined people's blood. (That found in stub- born people is called “‘pig iron."") Lawyer —A professional man who is strongest when fee-blest. Oarsman—A man who gets there by go- ing backward. THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. Publisher (of a comic paper)—One who has his wits about him. River beds—The bottom of the river So called because it has springs and is covered with sheets of water. Red—A danger signal on railroads, water, men’s noses, and women’s cheeks. Silence—About the only thing which, whenit falls, isn’t broken. 1. Did T ever tell yez how I saved the life of the beautiful young Princess of Geneva? Well, it wuz this way: I wuz a-cruisin’ through Switzerland when I sees the lovely lady a-sketchin’ in the moun- tains.. 2 ——I walks up to her with me grandest air, and sez tober, * Howdy,’ sez I, smilin” sweet and cozy like ; bat with a haughty air of disdain fittin’ her sta- tion in life, she turns up her nose in the air and gives me a contempshus sniff— 3. —— Wel, jist then three big gray wolves comes a-tear- in outer the woods and makes direct for her! — $. —— and fist as they wuz about to spring I catches each one of ‘em on a prong of the tripod, runnin’ ‘em through! Horswoggle me fer a swashbuckler, if I didn't ! — 6. —— Well, you kin bet your Uncle Fibb wuz there with the courtly manners when the beautiful young princess jumps inter me arms fer joy, and ‘calls me ber lovey-ducky life-preserver !'" comicbooks.com