Judge — October 1, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JU DGE What Our Grandfathers Smiled Over. Pickings from ‘' Joe Miller's Joke Book,"’ ‘‘ Leslie's Budget of Fun,"’ and other humorous publications. Douglas Jerrold. F ALL that is told of Jerrold is true, he certainly had more wit than manners. Take the following specimen: ‘An acquaintance was once try- | JUDGE'S ALPHABET FOR BASEBALL FANS. ing to convince him that in some| particular matter their interests were identical, and wound up with the phrase, “We row in the same boat." ‘Perhaps s0,"” remarked Jerrold; ‘but with what different sculls!"" ‘A would-be musical enthusiast, speak- ing of a certain air in a new opera, ex- claimed, ‘Oh, it is perfectly enchant- ing—it carries. me away!" “Can anybody whistle it?” asked Jerrold, looking round imploringly on a little circle he was trying to talk to. “Nature has written ‘honest man’ on his face," averred a man, sp. ‘a person in whom Jerrold’s fai not altogether blind. ‘‘Humph!"" re- plied Jerrold; “then Nature’s pen must have been a very bad one.”” A lady who, though in the autumn of life, had not lost all dreams of its spting, remarked, “I cannot imagine what makes my hair turn gray. I some- times fancy it must be the essence of rosemary with which my maid is in the habit of brushing it."” ‘I should be afraid, madam," said Jerrold, ‘‘that it is the essence of st At an evening party a somewhat el- dancing with a young §, partner. A stranger approached Jer- rold, who was looking on, and said, “Pray, sir, can you tell me who is the young’ gentleman dancing with that Indy?" ‘One of the Humane Society, Ishould think!” replied Jerrold, What Came Up. JOHN ROWAN, OF THE CINCINNATI NATIONALS, R18 FOR pitcher John Rowan, ‘Whose mighty slants, inshoots, and curves Have caused many batters misgivings, And won him a place he deserves, High up among the great twitlers, ‘Where we trust he'll stay fora spell, And win lots of games for old Cincy, ‘And Griffith and Herrmann as well, Old Enough Now. A Puritan preacher rebuked a young girl who had just been making her hai into ringlets. ‘'Ah,"’ said he, ‘had God intended your locks to be curled, He would have curled them for you."” “When I was an infant,” replied the damsel, ‘He did; but, now I am grown up, He thinks I am able to do it my- elf.” Sliced Oranges with a dash of Abbott's Bittersare Cc appetizing and healthful. Sample by mail, 25 cts. in stamps. bbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. "Spect He'd Grown. Years ago a fat fellow asked old Sir | Francis Burdett, while in Parliament, little boys to go to bed. Not the K’rect Card. Tom bought a gallon of spirits to take home, and, by way of a label, wrote his THE IFVER-LOSE” KEY TA KEY.INSURANCE™ = for lee Koya. The “NEVER-LOST. (7 12 whe care KEV-TAG. |name upon a card, which happened to| § | be the seven of clubs, and tied it to the handle. A friend, coming along and observing the jar, quietly remarked, ‘an awful careless way to leave | “Because somebody might come along with the eight of clubs and take it.’’ | Oh, Indeed! | A gentleman who follows the profes- sion of school-teaching gave out one morning as a reading lesson to his firat class that portion of ‘‘The Merchant of | Venice’ in which the ‘‘pound of flesh’? scene occurs. The reading finished, he Jasked the class what Shylock meant when he said, ‘My deeds upon my head."” “Well,” said the tallest boy, “Idon’t know, unless it means he carried his papers in his hat.’* Skimming the Cream. A philosopher and a wit were crossing from Dover to Calais, when a storm arose, and the savant seemed under great apprehensions lest he should go to the bottom. ‘‘That,’’ observed the wit, ‘‘will suit your genius; as for me, you know, I only skim the surface of things.”” He'd Heard It Before. “How did you like my sermon this morning?’’ asked Archdeacon Fisher of indeed, Fisher,” re- 3 ‘I always did like, | that sermon “Now, then, Arthur, it’s time for The little A Kentish farmer, in his old age,| for some position, saying, ‘‘Don’t you chickens always go to roost at sunset, moved into the town to enjoy it; but his old love clung to him, and he in-| dalged in a small way in gardening pur- suits. Visiting his friends in the coun- try and relating his experience in town farming, he said, ‘‘I put outside my window a large box, filled it with mold, and sowed it with seed. What do you think came up?"" “Wheat, barley, or oats?” “No; a policeman, who ordered me to remove it.”” The Genuine Article. A youngster who was taken to a toy bazaar by his doting mamma was shown number of articles by the attentive talesman. At last a papier-maché model of a mouse was produced and, after being wound up by a key, was set down upon the floor, where it ran about in the most mouse-like manner imag- inable. The youngster’s attention was enlisted at once, hut the result was not as his mother or the salesman expected, for he shouted, ‘‘Oh, mamma, I don't Want that! We've got lots of them at tome, and don’t have to wind ‘em up, tither.’” Mixed Again. - ‘Halloa, Tomkins! What's the mat- er? “Why, you see, they've got twins at ny sister’s. One of ’em’s a boy and one of ‘em girl, and blessed if that éoesn’t make me an uncle and an aunt it the same time P. S. A striking illustration of the saying ‘At the pith of a lady’s letter is in the Patscript was that of a young lady ‘“b, having gone out to India and writ- 'ghome to her friends, concluded with %& following words: “P.S. You wil “by my signature that I am married. remember me? I used to be a page.” “Well,"” responded Sir Francis, “you have grown into a volume.” TIT FO! “* No one would think that you were “That 's why I enjoy taking you out A Nashty One! ! Beau Nash, the King of Bath, was noted for never mentioning his father. Dr. Cheyne used to declare he never had one. The Duchess of Marlborough one day said he was like Gil Blas, who was ashamed of his father. “No, your grace,"’ he replied; ‘I never mention my father in this com- pany, not because I have any reason to be ashamed of him, but because hi might have some reason to be ashamed | of me." And he bowed all round, you know, “Yes, aunti ; but the old hen goes| with them!’ | R TAT. my husband by the way you look.” in the car so much." Army and Navy. Charles Mathews, in proposing the toast of the army and navy at his fare- well banquet, said, ‘I have never been in the army, though I have been in many a mess; and the only chance I ever had of joining the navy was once when I had | a narrow escape of getting into the Fleet!”” | A Meloncholy Fact. WATERMELON now and then a relished by the colored men. | In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. IMPERIAL Extra Dry BOOK LOVERS By W. B. King. Copyright. by Leslie-Judge Co. Hundreds of books about, but they must look together at one. We've all been there. ‘And that’s why this sentimental sepia print, 12216, and costing 50 cents, will find’ a place in your ‘book-comer Other prints from 25c. upward Complete Catalogue for Ten Cents. With every catalogue we will give you a draw- ing by Penrhyn Stanlans, while our supply ats. LESLIE-JUDCE COMPANY 2265 Fitth Avenue New York LAUGH WITH Sis Hopkins == HER OWN BOOK = OCTOBER NUMBER 10c—AT ALL NEWS-STANDS—10c comicbooks.com