Judge — August 6, 1910 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JU Hic LiFe THE CHAMPAGNE OF BoTTLED MILLE EER R-MILWAUKEE What Our Grandf Ge-lang! Git Up! - The drops of rain were falling f When up through Camp Street quickly passed An omnibus, whose driver sung, In accents of the Celtic tongue, Ge-lang! git up! His mules were lank, his whip was long; He touched them with the biting thong, And as they switched their threadbare 8, This sound the listening ear assails, Ge-lang! git up! Along the street, on every side, Were damp ones waiting for a ride. They called, they yelled, they raised a| fuss; But cried the driver of the ‘bus, Ge-lang! git up! “Hold or,, hold on!"* an old man said, And waved his hand above his head. Crack went the whip and all could hear A sharp sound echoing on the ear— Ge-lang! git up! “Stop, driver, stop!"’ a maiden called. “Stop, stop!"* a dozen voices bawled. The driver looked on neither side, But still in clarion voice replied, Ge-lang! git up! Far up the street a sound was heard, And through the distance came a wo That fell on many a waiting soul Like hope’s lugubrious funeral toll— Ge-lang! git up! That night the driver went to bed; All through his troubled sleep he The sane strange words which he had) All day from his Jehuic tongue— Ge-lang! git up! Chickens a la Mode. Little Willie was visiting rélatives in the city. His mother had ‘warned him to be on his good behavior and to avoid saying anything that might give offense. One day, when his aunt asked him at luncheon if he would have some curried chicken, he could not help show- ing his surprise. Why, what’ inquired ‘the aunt. curried chicken? “Well, aunt lly 8 was his reply. “You see, on the farm we don’t curry our chickens—we pick "em."" the:matter, Willie?” “Don't you like A little tot was placed on a chair in the kitchen to watch her grandma shell peas for dinner, After watching with much interest for a few minutes, she turned to the maid, Julia, and said, “Julia, get me down; I want to help grandma unbutton the peas."* Why is a young lady preparatory to dressing in her crinoline like a flour barrel? Because the hoops have to be raised before the head will go in, fathers Smiled Over dget of Fun 1860) A Chicago Bank “Gone Up.” “Have you anything deposited in the Marine Bank?" asked a grain specu- lator of a wholesale merchant, the other day **Yes—some twenty thousand dol- replied the merchant. Well,’ replied the grain man, ‘I Suppose you h ve heard that the bank * exclaimed the merchant, thianderntroek, “It can’t be “Well, you go up and see. And the merchant, in the most nerv- ous state of mind, rushed up Lake Street to the Marine Bank. “Is it true,’ he asked of the cashier, | meeting him on the steps, ‘‘that your bank has gone up.” “Yes,"" said the cashier, smiling. “It's a good joke, isn’t it?’ The merchant became perfectly fran- tic and tore his hair. ““Yes—a very fine joke to be diddled out of nearly all the money I am worth! I want and must have my money!"" And rushed upstairs, nearly insane. “Why, look here!’’ exclaimed the cashier, calling after him, He stopped. “I didn't suppose you were in ear- nest. It's been a joke here among our friends for over a week. Don’t you see that we have gone up? Our building \has been raised eight feet."” The merchant instantly cooled down, and, on looking across the street, saw the grain man standing on the sidewalk, almost bursting with laughter. The merchant shook his fist at him and then made chase after him down the street. | When last seen they were engaged in a very loud conversation in the Tremont House barroom, shaking glasses. Caron! Bitters—Sample with patent dasher sent on receipt of 25e, Rest tonic and cocktail bit- ters. Oct. C. Blache & Co., N. Y., Gen't Distrs. A Loud Call. “Where are you going, mamma?” asked three-year-old Lawrence. “Tam going calling," replied the mother. ‘Are you going to take the baby ed Lawrence. Yes.” Lawrence studied a moment, asked, ‘And will he holler, too?”* then “Cave Felera.” Freddie was playing in the kitchen with a kitten. In the play the cat scratched him and he said to his mother, “Mamma, the pussy has a pincushion on his feet and it’s full of pins. The Albany Knickerbocker says that there is a man in Greenbush who be- lieves in rotation of crops. One year he raises nothing, the next year weeds. ‘Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup the | best remedy for their children. 25e a bottle. DGE |" All Kinds of Men To Make a World.” A sage upon a lonely road | O’ertook a weary fool, one day. “And if it please you, id the clown, “*1'll walk with you to yonder town; it is a long and lonely way.”” Together up the hills they strode, ‘And paused where trees spread wel- come shade; The sage forget his aching feet, And smiled to hear the clown repeat The jests that were his stock in trade. The things the wise man said, in turn, The jester heard with many smile: Forgetting all his cares and ills, He laughed upon the stony hills And bravely walked the dusty miles. “" Ah," thought the sage, “we live and | London learn; A fool may play a useful part!"” ** Old men who talk as children do May manage to be useful, too,”” The fool was thinking in his heart. —Chicago Record-Herald, A Summer Poem. mop at their mutter a mercury The heat's therefore This peek- outlines It doesn’t Each blemish and It serves to But coolness, | trust, Will make an Its texture Just holes To let the You see And brows curse, climbs, getting I Men And The worse, write boo verse, thought And a- of conceal, fault reveal; The appeal. sheer— thin; is gossamer are quite big, wind in. through it quick, find it a skin, —New York Sun, Pa’s Chances. When pa was young the times were ood Its g And every boy could have a chance; Then every one did all he could To help his fellow-man advance. There were no greedy billionaires | Who tried to gobble everything; They never heard of Wall Street scares, And each man was an uncrowned king. Nobody cornered corn or wheat, And nearly every day was bright; Then life was free from care and sweet, And no man claimed another's right. When pa was young a man could rise According to his worthiness; | No one could hope to gain a prize Without deserving his success. When pa was young the times were good, And every man could show his worth; There were no trusts, and brotherhood Extended everywhere on earth. Sometimes it seems the strangest thing That pa should not be rich and glad, * Instead of poor, considering The splendid chances that he had. —Chicago Record-Herald. Judge is published weekly by the LESLIE-JUDGE COMPANY. 225 Fifth Avenue, New York City Western Apvertisinc Ovrice: Marquette Building, Chicago, 01. 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