Judge — August 6, 1910 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITE. A Substitute. That man will lead An easy life Who hires a maid To hook his wife. —Birmingham Age-Herald. Unless the maid Is fair and pert, And he’s a bit Inclined to flirt. —Somerville Journal. Only One Kind. Hiz—‘'That trust magnate spent all| kinds of money while in Europe.” Dir—"Indeed! 1 thought the only kind he spent was other people’s.”"— | Philadelphia Bulletin. Pure, Healthful, Refreshing lpollinaris “THE QUEEN OF TABLE WATERS” The End o° the Day. Here's the end 0’ the day, ‘An’ this weary ould planet Turns again to the gray, Dewy dusk that began it. An’ meself, that's no more Nor a midge or a flea Or a sand o’ the shore, Who'd be thinkin’ 0’ me At the end 0’ the day? Here's the end o’ the day, An’ it’s little I’m winnin’ Wid my toilin’ away Since the same was beginnin’; But for all I’m so small, Trudgin’ on by my lone, If no evil befall I've a world o? my own At the end o’ the day. Here’s the end o’ the day, An’ the stars, growin’ bolder Now the sun is away, Peep above the hill’s shoulder; | An’ 'tis they that can see The Hardest Job in the World. | After a man has succeeded in raising a son who is a credit to him, building empires seems trivial.—Chicago Record- MISS LINDEN BECKWITH, | Herald, IN “THE MIDNIGHT SONS.“ You're lovelier than your beauty, You're greater than your art, You're livelier than the motions You essay to win the heart. Housewife—‘ Are you willing to chop some wood for your dinner?” Plodding Pete—‘*Sorry, mum; but I) ama Pinchot man.’"—Boston Transcript. | me Visitor—‘‘Is there any other cure for A Mathematician. a snake bite except whiskey?” ““Willie,"’ said his mother, ‘when Colonel Bourbon—** Who cares whether you divided those five caramels with there is or not?’’—Club-Fellow, your sister Cora, did you give her three?” | MY GIRL. When summer shines And winter whines, She is the peachy pearl That makes me whitl ; With joy she is My all-the-year-round girl. Juvce has joined the ranks of those “No, ma, I thought they wouldn't who advocate the abolition of the bill- come out even, so I ate one ‘fore I be- board. But what would the circus be gan to divide."” + without itt—The Idler, “Center Shots.” i Wy py LB bj That the dusty boreen Is a king's road for me To my castle an’ queen No ball team should be considered | absolutely hopeless until the small boys refuse to climb telegraph poles to look At the end 0’ the day. jat it. —T. A. Daly in Catholic Times, Well, what odds, Horatio, if the cloak An Item of the Future. makers are striking? Have we not al- A reckless aviator, who is said by a Ways night's sable mantle to fall back number of eyewitnesses to have been upon? greatly exceeding the speed limit, ran the end of his aeroplane through @ Jt isn’t surprising that the postal large plate-glass window in the sixty- deficit is being reduced, when one con- seventh story of the Cloudland Building giders that the tourist is doing his most yesterday afternoon and seriously in-| frenzied mailing of picture post-cards |jured Miss Bertha Dallington, who hap- right now. pened to be sitting near the window! | when the crash occurred. Hastily back-| The first edition of the Roosevelt THOSE SUNDAY EDITIONS. First banker—" Did you ever get caught on worthless paper ?* Second banker—" Sure, Every Sunday.” Serious Enough Business. “Where's your father?" asked the man on horseback. “Up the river fishin’,” answered the Where’s your big broth er?’" “Down the river fishin’."’ jasn’t your family anything to do but amuse itself? “Mister, if you think we're doin’ this for fun, you wait an’ hear what maw says if we come home without any fish."” —Washington Star. Hot Iron, Too. She pressed his hand! The milkman kissed fair Nora while She ironed, and, without a smile, She pressed his hand! —Chicago News. Worse. Dick—*There’s one thing about Louise—she never repeats stories about ber women friends.” Fthel—*Repeats! No, indeed; she starts them.’’—Christian Advocate, ! We find the following remedy for the pipsynipsy, a disease which troubles the Western people and some this way, in the Cleveland Plaindealer, to be taken when the disease is coming o' “Spiritus Vini Otardi, z. i.; Spiritus i Ss. ; Sugarum Whitum, r.; Sliceum Pine applei Strawberryii; Shakistist vio lenter; Suckite quiciter cum strawum. Mrs. Young—‘‘I want to get a di- vorce from my husband.”” Lawyer—What are your charges?” Mrs, Young—My charges? Mercy! I thought I'd have to pay you."’—Boston Transcript. Millicent— What was the first bird the Pilgrims saw when they landed?"’ ein Evelyn—"The turkey? Millicent—‘*No; the tommyhawk.'’— University of Minnesota Minnehaha. “How did the street-car company come to fire that old conductor? I thought he had a pull.’” “He did; but he didn’t use it on the cash register.”"—Buffalo Express. ing away, the operator of the flying machine succeeded in escaping, but not before several people had noticed his number, which was C4257. It is shown by the city records that this is the | number attached to a machine belong- ing to Henry H. Hodge, the millionaire popular song writer; but it was ex-/ plained by him that he supposed his flyer was safely anchored st Watson's aviating station, where it is always kept when not in use. At the station it was said that the machine had been taken away by a man who had not men- tioned his name, an irresponsible at- tendant having rented it to him be- cause all the machines that were kept for hire happened to be out when he called. Al H. Wingheld, manager of the station, declared he was sorry the accident had occurred. “Have you ever heard a person curse the day he was born?’ “*Yes; that is very common."’ “He must have had the gift of speech early.""—The Collegian, “Are you going to put in all these far-fetched joker?” “Oh, I guess so. Just head them ‘Near Jokes.’"’—University of ; Minnesota Minnehaha, Pessimist Jones—‘How is it, Smith, that you look so hale and happy and well??? Optimist Smith—Every time I sit {down to worry I fall asleep.""—Wasp. hunting book will consist of one million copies—‘‘the largest single order ever given to a printer.” Not much con- | servation of wood pulp about that. —Denver Republican. "= | Strong winds blow- ing in their favor CAMBRIDGE 25e Box"* Philip Morris ‘Cigarettes tn answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com