Judge — July 30, 1910 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Whim Whams.” By EDWIN AUSTIN OLIVER, Overt Statimand The Chauffeur. RUBBER mask adorns his nose, Large goggles hide his eyes, Two wing-like things are on his ears ‘As down the street he flies. A rubber coat enwraps his form, Great gloves his two hands fill, A rakish hat is on his head— In fact, he’s ** dressed to kil Not So Dry. Redd— He's going to give a bachelor dinner out under the sky.”” Greene—" But suppose it rains before they’ve finished?”” Redd—" Oh, they may all be under the table by that time!” He was the bridegroom and he was wait- ing at the church. *+Tean’t imagine why my bride is late,”” he sai “Well, “after you're married. her dress up the back !”” yuu will,’ replied the best man, They are hooking Church—" Tell me what you eat and I'll tell you what you are."” Gotham—" Well, I eat hash at Mixum’s restaurant." Church—" Then you're a fool !"* “* There are two times in a girl's life when she should be weaned from the bottle,’ re marked the Observer of Events and Things; “* the second time is when it is cold and costs four dollars.”* —""Do you enjoy going to the Patrice—* No, I can’t say that Ido; the cars are so frightfully crowded, don't you know? But I always enjoy it after I get there."” “The lighted candles in a girl's birthday e,"" remarked the Observer of Events and Things, ‘do not always throw light on the girl's age.” Bacon—" And you say he is kind to ani- mals.” Egbert—‘* Yes." Bacon—* Why?” Egbert—* Whenever his wife commences to sing, he always puts the dog out of] the room." He threw his small clock at a cat; He m The clock it stopped at half-past three— The cat is going yet. Not Then. Bacon—"1 see a patent has been granted for an at- tachment to rocking chairs to operate a fan to cool the occu- pants."” Egbert —“ And when a man goes into the dark room and stubs his toe against that rocker, we do not think the new attachment will cool him off any."* Bill —"' Their en- gagement is broken off.”” Jill—" For what reason?"* Bill" Why, he told her one night that when he was at his work her face was ever before him. Jill—* Well? Bill— Why, he’s a cartoonist “Do you have any trouble’ supporting your family, Sam- a “No, indeedy! Why, boss, I's got one of de best wifes in dis ‘ere town,” Patience—"Do you enjoy riding in an DONE AGAIN. Farmer Sleepypay—"' Drat it! since them aeroplanes hey got comin’ this way can’t say that I do. You can’t tell half of the time whether you are sitting on the cushions or in the lap of the man next to Patience—' 1 suppose that is discourag- ing. You generally want to know for sure when you're in a man's lap, don’t you, dear?” Yeast— Is he a thoughtful man?” Crimsonbeak—* Ob, very. Why, I never knew him to scratch a match in the wrong. place when he had on his Sunday trousers.”” “Is a cord of wood much, pop?’” “Well, my son, it all depends on whether you are burning it or chopping it.” ONE WAY OF CONTROLLING YOUR CHAUFFEUR. Tcan't git no weedin’ done Mrs. Bacon—* Do you hear Matilda sing- ing at her work? Mr. Bacon—" Yes; and I hope to gracious she'll do the work better than she’s doing the singing.”” “You called those men playing on the street a band, pop.’ “Yes, my son. “They're not a band."” “Why, yes, my boy.’” “What is a band, pop?”” “Why, it’s a number of men who play to- gether. “Well, pop, I’m sure no two of those men were playing together.”” Teacher—‘ You may tell me what a dromedary is, Tommy.” Tommy —‘* A dromedary, ma'am, is a two-masted camel.’ Bill-—" Do you remember that ten dollars I loaned you 1 recall it Bill—* 1 wish to gracious I could!"” Mamma—* Why, Tommy, you look quite pale!”” Tommy—" Yes'm; I've washed my face twice to- day!” Yeast—The preacher won't let us take our umbrel- las into church on a wet da: Crimsonbeak—"' Well, he right. I don’t think ‘temp- tation should be put in a man’s way in church,” comicbooks.com