Judge — July 30, 1910 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HUMORISTS’ NUMBER AMERICAN THE REVENGE OF THE DEPARTED LOBSTER. Jottings from “Jocosities.” By Jor cone (Boston Herald.) HEN'S TURNOUT. Hank Stubbs— Guess Hen Holler got tuck when he traded for that ol’ skate he's drivin’.”” Bige Miller—* That's what! Never knowed Hen yit to drive a good bargain.” A NEW TYPE. Patient—' Doctor, I know I’m not going to get well, but I want to pay you your bill before I go.”” Doctor—* Well, you- "re deud easy !"’ “ It's a good idee to be JOE CONE. right on your job nowa- Who writes the “Jo- days, ’cuz ef you ain’t conics of the Boston SO body else will be.” THE FISHERMAN’S JOY. HE FISH that bites And gets away May bite your hook ‘Another day. At any rate, He thus supplies The chance to tell Some corking lies. BE AN EARLY BIRD. Early to bed And early to rise Oft saves the need Of telling lies. “The man who is tryin’ with all his might to look into the future is jest a-hurtin’ eyesight fur the presunt.”” “« People who never look fur anything worth while are, ez a rule, mighty good at findin’ fault.” “Does he go out between every act?” “No; just merely comes in between every drink.”” Artist (proudly) — “I am taking this view from nature.” Spectator—‘‘ I don't helieve nature will miss anything.” Game warden —“' This deer was found dead on your prem- ises, and yet you deny that you killed it?”” Farmer —‘ Wa-al, it hap- pened like this: My wife was throwin’ a stun at the hens, an’ some way the deer, which was feedin’ roun’ back o’ the A car that will give the proper dignity to kings of finance, also help solve the problem barn, got hit.”” A QUICK LUNCH. Enter, Set. Napkin? STUDYING THE STARS. If the country in general knew as much about astronomy as it does about the base- ball stars the heavens would have very few secrets to call their ONE “ WAIT" HE DIDN'T GUESS. own, Uncle Jonas Jukes—"* Thet thar fellah kin guess my ch?) Wa-al, now GOING UP. of overcrowded streets. I'll jest bet him all th’ money he ever seed thet he can't! Samanthy told me t’ wait ‘round here till she bought some souvenir pust cards; so if he kin guess thet 's what I'm waitin’ fer, he's nuthin’ short ov marv'lous."” JANITORESQUE. Janitor—‘* Who was dat whistlin’ down de tube?’ Helper—‘‘ Woman on de third floor front wants some steam.” Janitor— Hit de third pipe a couple o’ times wit de ham- mer.”” OUTING NOTE.” O, vacation, what errors are committed in thy name. MUSINGS OF THE OFFICE BOY. Love also makes the world, back up. One ice-cream soda always leads up to another. The feller who don’t sweat over his job ain’t workin’, I didn’t lose anything on the fight except my reputation as a prophet. It’s hot enough anyway, but it’s a good deal hotter when you let yourself think so. Ain’tit funny. how ev’rybody wants to be around durin’ the rash hour? Seems to me the trouble with most people who want to make money is that they want to make too much at one time. All through the winter I had as ions to be a fireman, but this summer I think I'd like to be a watchman in a cold stor- age place. comicbooks.com