Judge — June 4, 1910 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LITTLE “ WHAT-FOR.” mother of the Wesleys, when lantly asked why she told a child g over and over ‘‘a hun- mes,’ replied quietly, ‘Because : ine times won't do."’ She prob- ably surpassed the average patience of fothers whose children happen to be such incarnate interrogation-points as this one was “What makes that noise?’ asked a little boy on a train the other day. “The cars,"’ answered his mother. “What for?” “Because they are moving.”” What are they moving for?”” ‘he engine makes them.”* “What engine?”’ “The engine in front.’ “What's it in front for?"” “To pull the train,” “What train? “This one." “This car repeated the youngster, pointing to the one in which they sat. “What does it pull for?"’ “The engineer makes it.’” “What engineer?”” “The man on the engine.”” “What engine?” “The one in front.’” What is that in front for “I told you that before."’ “Told who what?"" “Oh, be still! You are a nui- sance! “What's a nuisance?”’ “A boy who asks too many questions."” “Whose boy? “My boy.’ The conductor came through just then and took up the tick- ets, and the train pulled up to the station before we could get all of the conversation. The last we heard, as the lady took the youngster off the platform, was, ‘*What conductor’ Keokuk Constitution, Iwas Late one evening a doctor received a rote from a couple of fellow-practition- Pray step across to the cl are one short of a game of cards. “Emily, dear,"” he then said to his wife, “Lam called away again. It ap- pears to be @ very serious case, for WHAT LAWYERS ARE FOR. yer—"" So you believe your husband innocent, do you a Murphy—"' Yes; and he says if you gits him off he’ ll give you half the swag. A COMMON ORNAMENT. “Ah, Charley,”’ said one little fellow | to another, “‘we are going to have a cupola on our hovse.”” ‘*Pooh! that's | nothing," rejoined the other. ‘‘Papa’s going to get a mortgage on ours.”” An old lady stepped into one of the| stores of New Haven the other day, and after looking for some time at a pile of | water pipes lying in the gutter, ex-| claimed, “It is, indeed, an awful state of Breweo By ) Tue CHAMPAGNE OF Botrieo GH LE BEER Mitcer at Mitwaukee things when we are obliged to have can- nons piled up in our streets."” THE PRETTY PURITAN. ory “Of what persuasion is Miss G.?"" Why are Presidents like vagabonds? Demanded once a grave polemic. Because they are associated with Vices. ‘She is so handsome that to me red She seems," said I, ‘‘an Eve-An- “Jeannie," said a venerable Camero- gelie."” nian to his daughter, who was asking te | his consent to accompany her urgent and; A man who assisted to empty several bottles of wine afterward took a walk. The pavements were quite icy, and he exclaimed, “Veve-ry sing-lar; wh-when- ever water freezes, it alw’s freezes with the sl-slippery side up.”” —_ About the only person not spoiled by being lionized was a Jew named Daniel. “Yes,"" remarked a landlady, “it costs money to get the knives sharpened every week, but it’s cheaper than buying tender meat.”” Mr. Merryman Lathrop says | when he went on the steamer toy California, they kept the chick- ens in the hatchway, the beef in the bullworks, near the steerage, | and when they ran out of eggs the ship lay foo. WOMEN ARE HARD TO PLEASE. Can't you run a little faster, James ?”" Shucks! dere ‘s no pleasin’ some women. I suppose if a race horse you 'd complain because I couldn't fly."” favored suitor to the altar, “Jeannie it is a very solemn thing to get mar- man ina balloon? Ans.—Because ev-| erybody appears little to him, and he 3b appears little to everybody. solemner not to."’ . There is a fight o' quinine in the f n A cooking club—The rolling pin. market, and it is naturally a bitter one. A swell affair—The soap bubble. A large egg plant—A chicken farm. A smart boy—Just after a whipping. Troubles and twins never come singly. The call to arms—‘‘John, take the baby.’? Effectual destruction of weeds— Marrying a widow. A popular air with “Sweet Buy and Buy.”* When does a man sneeze three times? When he can’t help it. Never stop at a church door to ask about the music. In choir within, The railroad signalman does a flourish- ing business. If yu want to make up for lost time, buy another watch. e ladies— Is there any difference be-| tween a traveling dress and a walking suit? Punch, Punch! We could for- give you for making use of our American jokes when we have done with them, but why, oh, why do you treat them so outrageously? This, , ina recent issue, under an illus- tration: “The asked to understand that one morn- | ing Harold, having been over-cor- rected, ran away from home in or- der to teach his parents a lesson; but, with the approach of night, he —— changed his mind and slunk back, reckoning on a fine, fatted-calf welcome, To his disgust his ab- sence has not been noticed, and aft- ersome thought hedraws attention desperate and disciplinary measure by remarking, ‘I see "ve still got the same old cat. Why not issue it in book form? —The Idler. In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. Phiods (PeUFORD WER, Why is a fool in high station like @ | pycto Close connections—Buttons. | tle reader is} Yes, Indeed, Sir. The very best we have to offer. 25c BASSADOR 35¢ er-dinner size Tn Cork and Plain Tips “The Little Brown Bos” 0, Landon, New York and Montreal. Club Cocktails Taste right because mixed right—to meas- ure, not by guess. 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