Judge, 1910-05-28 · page 8 of 16
Judge — May 28, 1910 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces: **"Gay Broadway"** (top): A Rudyard Kipling parody by P.M. Henry satirizing turn-of-the-century Manhattan nightlife. The poem romanticizes a cowboy's infatuation with a Broadway chorus girl named Wilhelmina at Rector's restaurant—a real, famous dining establishment. The satire mocks the glamorization of Broadway excess: champagne, taxi horns, stage-door encounters, and the "bright white lights" luring visitors. It's gentle social commentary on urban temptation and theatrical culture. **"The Modern Burglar"** (right): A humorous advice piece suggesting that successful burglars need literary cultivation—sonnets, poetry about nature—beyond mere tool expertise. It's satirical self-help, poking fun at both would-be criminals and pretentious literary affectation by suggesting a burglar might break into *magazines* instead of homes after mastering verse composition. The accompanying illustrations are period silhouettes, typical of Judge's visual style. The overall tone is lighthearted social satire on contemporary urban life and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Y BROADWAY. (With the axcal apologies to the mach-abused Mr. Kiplieg.) By PM. HENRY N A RESTAURANT called Rector’s, lookin’ westward to the street, There's a chorus girl a-settin’, who, I claim, is pretty neat; An’ the bright whits lights are shinin’, an’ the taxi horns they say, “Come you back, you Western cowboy, come you back togay Broadway !"" Come you back to gay Broadway, Where the actorines all stay; Can't you hear their cabbies shoutin’ from the park to gay Broadway? On the road to gay Broadway, Where there's fun both night an’ day, An’ the wine corks pop like thunder in the Astor ‘cross the way! Her gown’s some flamin’ color, an’ her Chantecler is black, An’ her name is Wilhelmina Genevieve Terese de Jacques; An’ I seed her first a-smokin’ of a Pall Mall cigarette, An’ a-chattin’ v friendly with some New York boudoir pet, ome old Johnnie of the town, Whom they called Pendexter Brown, Plucky lot she cared for Johnnies when she saw me comin’ roun’! On the road to gay Broadway . . When the evenin’ show was over an’ the paint ’most washed away, She'd meet me at the stage door, an’ I'd sing out, ** Taxi! hey!”" “48 > pr We'd go to some fine restaurant an’ get a table there, FLEASANT SUMMER ‘READING: An’ when we sauntered down the room, I tell you, folks would stare! Chorus girls, a-drinkin’ beer, THE MODERN BURGLAR Used to say that we looked queer; 5 ane GaS But we knew ‘twas only jealousy that made the hussies sneer. : ° . On the road to gay Broadway . . . AN EXPERT knowledge of burglar tools does not constitute complete intellectual equipment for the modern operator. eo babi Sslkip, ponenss to the corn-fed beauties here ‘i He must cultivate the more graceful arts. First of all, he (You stack "em up by Miss de Jacques, an’ they'd seem mighty queer), i i i i For I hear the voice of Broadway, an’ it's there that I would be— should om fo-welte ik Let bimipoor: forth bis apa BA In the restaurant called Rector’s, sailin’ on a champagne sea. sonnets. Composition of rhymes that jingle true will be found Ship m a great help. While his themes may be of wide range, the Where in't no cows and hay! home and mother style he will find most effective. A little Hear the newsboys shouti xtry!"' as they hurry down Broadway! touch of dewy eve, with the cows tinkling down the lane, will On the road to gay Broadway, come in nicely. Nor should blushing dawn be overlooked Where there’s fun both night an’ day, ye bd us An’ the wine corks pop like thunder in the Astor ‘cross the way! Better, though, not to refer to it as rosy-fingered Aurora, this . being trite. Besides, there is a town of that name out in Illi- NO CHANGE. nois—not rosy-fingered, of course. Be sure to touch on spring WE SEE that the Interstate Commerce Commission has decided and the early bird, omitting as banal the early worm. Don't that the Pullman Company mustn't charge so much for upper forget a tribute to freedom. berths as for the lowers, but the uppers will al 3 remain higher, This preparation may have the result of enabling the stu- just the same. dent of burglary to break into the magazines, instead of break- Y “SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT?” comicbooks.com