Judge — May 28, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN IRISHMAN WILL TAKE COMFORT WHERE AN ENGLISHMAN WILL GROWL. The English travelers complain that they are so much hurried in our hoteis acd so little in our stage coaches. An rish traveler took a different view of the ca! Honest Pat came in at one o'clock, and was called up ina half an hour. ‘And what will ye charge for the lodging?” ‘Twenty-five cents,"? was the reply. ‘‘An’ sure ‘twas kind of ye to call me go airly; if I'd slept until the morning, I'd not had the money to pay the bill!”” CONUNDRUMS. “My love,"’ said Boyle, to his wife, “why is @ Laplander like an umbrella maker? D’ye give it up? ‘Cause he derives his support from the reindeer (rain, dear)? Why is aman that marries twice like the captain of a ship? Ans.—Because he has a second mate. Why is a tight shoe like a fine sum- mer? Ans.—Because it makes the corn grow. Why is a fool like twenty hundred- weight? Ans.—Because he is a simple- ton. | Why is the heel of your boot partisan in its character? Ans.—Because it's bound to run down one side or the other. A celebrated divine, who was remark- able in the first period of his ministry | for a loud and boisterous mode of preaching, suddenly changed his whole manner in the pulpit and adopted a mild and dispassionate mode of delivery. One of his brethren, observing it, in- quired of him what had induced him to make the change. He answered, “When Iwas young I thought it was the thur- der that killed the people, but when 1 grew wiser I discovered that it was the lightning—so I determined to thunder less and lighten more in the future.” | “Who made you?" inquired a lady, teacher of a lubberly boy who had lately joined the class, “I don’t know," said he. “Don't know? You ought to be! ashamed of yourself, a boy of fourteen years. There's little Dickey Filton, he is only three, he can tell, I dare sped the infant prodigy. said the teacher trium I knew he would remember. he oughter,"’ said the stupid ain't but a little while ago since he was mad A gentleman ata musical party, see- ing that the fire was going out, asked a friend in a whisper, ‘‘How he could stir the fire without interrupting the masic?"” **Between the bars,” replied the friend. | “How many tunes can you play?” asks Timmins of a street fiddler. ‘Any you like to call for."” ‘*Can you play “Beautiful Star’? “Yes."" “Old Dog Tray'2”” Yes." ***Polly, Put the Kettle On'2"" *Yes."" ‘Evening Hymn'2”” “*¥es."* “Then play them all together, for I'm in a hurry.” The only persons who really enjoy bad bealth are the doctors. Montreal and Quebec. ed etitat le edition de luxe among railroad pamph- been issued by the Grand Trunk Railway to proclaim amongst tourists the glories of ot Montreal and Quebes. ‘The brochure it printed and generally arranged in the of earlier days, when the ornamenta- me was regarded as an important inci- resentation of reading matter. It gives ng description of the two most interest- Canada, with many illustrations from Bent free to any address. Apply to 29) Broadway, New York. 35 dent to its Diddler invited two or three to take a drink, and was telling big stories imself. ‘*Come,” said one of “you have told us what you can do; now tell us what you cannot do."" ‘Well, that’s easily done,” re- plied Diddler. ‘*I can’t pay for the drinks you have just ha The most beautiful flowers are those that are double, such as double pinks, double roses, and double dahlias, What an argument is this against the chilling deformity of single blessednses! 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