Judge — April 16, 1910 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THERE ARE ANGELS AND ANGELS. Abou Ben Addhem, may his tribe increase, Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace, ‘And what should his wondering eyes be- | hold But an angel handling a book of gold. He opened wide his eyes, getting a bet- ter look, Beheld his wife empty his pocketbook. He jumped upright, and with stern voice said, “You let my pants alone, and come to bed!"" kept the cash, squelched her hub. She went the next week to the Woman’s Club— Composed of women whom expensive hats had blessed— And, lo! Ben Addhem’s wife led all the rest. —University of Texas Coyote. all right, and She VERY REAL. “What I like about you, dear,”’ George, in a smothered tone of v ‘tis that you're just yourself.” George was right, except for about a peck of some one else's hair, a wire jimmy, a small pharmacy of paint and powder, and seven bushels of nature’s only rivals. —Minnesota Minnehaha, a Lady (at the jeweler’s)—‘‘Is_ this diamond genuine?” Jeweler—"As genuine as your own hair, madam.”” 1y—‘Ahem—let me see something ice, Napoleon had accidentally seated him- self upon a hot stove. “What wonderful courage !"" remarked one of the ministers. ‘*The general is burning his breeches behind him."’— Purple Cow. ry Him—"I understand the author of ‘I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now’ made a great mistake.” i!—"When he wrote it?” Him—"No; he sold it for a song!""— University of Minnesota Minnehaha. s Curious Charley—“Do nuts grow on trees, father?” Father—“They do, my son.’? Curious Charley—"Then what tree does the doughnut grow on?”” Father—"The pantry, my son."— Purple Cow. To Feel Young To Look Young To Keep Young DRINK Ale ef blood and infuses the WHAT'S THIS? Hospitable host—"*Won't you have some more duck, Miss Stunner?” Bashful guest—"No, 1 thank you."* Hospitable host—Oh, do! Here's a nice little leg just your size.""—Prince- ton Tiger. ry Sir Years—*Papa, what does hered tary mean’ Fond papa—'‘Something which de- scends from father to son.”” Sir Years—‘Is a spanking heredi- tary?”"— Yale Record. os “Try this on your piano,’ said the agent, as he handed the lady of the house some furniture polish.—Cornell Widow, ABANDONED IT FOR THE OLD FASHIONED COFFEE WAS KILLLING. | “1 always drank coffee with the rest | of the family, for it seemed as if there | was nothing for breakfast if we did not have it on the table. “Thad been troubled some time with my heart, which did not feel right. This trouble grew worse steadily. “Sometimes it would beat fast and at other times very slowly, so that I would hardly be able to do work for an hour or two after breakfast, and if I walked up a hill, it gave me a severe pain, “IT had no idea of what the trouble was until a friend suggested that per- haps it might be caused by coffee drink- ing. I ti leaving off the coffee and began drinking Postum. The change came quickly. I am now glad to say that I am entirely well of the heart trouble and attribute the relief to leav- ing off coffee and the use of Postum. ** A number of my friends have aban- doned the old-fashioned coffee and have taken up with Postum, which they are using steadily. There are some people that make Postum very weak and taste- less, but if it is boiled long enough, a cording to directions, it is a very deli- cious beverage. We have never used any of the old-fashioned coffee since Postum was first started in our house. Read the little book, *‘ The Road to Wellvill in packages. ‘*There’s a Reason. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, | “I hear you and Mabel got along swimmingly at the seashore.” “Oh, no; Mabel has such a nice ishape she preferred to stay on the | beach.""—University of Minnesota Min- | nehaha, | a fessor—'*Jones, will you differ- in the words ‘discover’ Jones—*Well—er—Peary discovered the Pole, and Cook invented it."’—Dart- | mouth Jack-o-Lantern. ny Mrs, Bud—"V'd like to hire that bur- How's that?”” According to the papers, |he made a clean sweep and then dusted. "* —Purple C Tow. In answering advertisements please CAVE HER LEAVE. “Oh, dear,” said Eve petulantly, ‘ve got to have a new spring dress."” “All right," replied Adam, “go and choose one for yourself. So she went and picked one.—Uni- versity of Minnesota Minnehaha, SALOME. There was a young virgin Salome, Who claimed Antioch as her home; On account of its breeziness Her dress caused uneasin But she did not wear a be sity of T AS IT WILL BE. Statesman (addressing the graduating class at Barnard) see before me the future Presidents of this great nation.”” —Columbia Jester, 3 Coyote. JUDGE'S FAVORITE NORA BAYES, “THE JOLLY BACHELORS,” BROADWAY THEATER. Ob, why should JUDGE take pen in hand To write about your charming grace, Since here you stand beside your chair, Where he can look into your face? WITH WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE LOW. She—“Notice the twist that dancer does between his steps?’ He—"Yes; just before lights.""—Columbia Jester. ry “When you go to the theater do you go out between acts ?’” “No; come in between the drinks,’’ —Princeton Tiger. * the foot- Gladys—Why does Ethel believe in | second sight?"” Marie—""Well, she said she fell in love at first sight.”"—Yale Record. Faraz * FRACARA-Y Léyptian Deities The Utmost in Cigarettes They have brought, the luxury of the Old World fo the New le | | | | A BIBLICAL TRUTH ILLUSTRATED. The late Father Tabb—as the story goes—was speaking at a dinner of “the literary fellows.” His subject was about @ monument soon to be erected to the memory of the author of “The Raven.”” “Poe used to be despised. Professor Woodberry, of Columbia College, wrote a most contemptuous biography of him. Emerson, the philosopher, dismissed him with a sneer as ‘the jingle man,’ and that is the only Emersonian phrase that is immortal. “William Dean How- ells, the novelist, in ‘April Hopes’ made fun of him, “Poe is about the only American who has written things really worth while, really permanent things in literature, and to Poe America denied a living. “But now,”’ Father Tabb concluded, “‘we put up monument after monument in Poe's honor. It may truthfully be said of Poe, “*He asked for bread and they gave him a stone.’ “KEEPING LENT." H. I. Horton, the Connecticut humor- ist, recently sent _a humorous skit on ‘‘Lent’”’ to a New York publication, It ‘*quite suited the immediate wants’ of the overworked editor, who sent a blue- penciled letter, ‘I am keeping Lent.”” A little later the editor received this communication: ‘Glad you are."’ o “What do we often drop and never stop to pick up?” “A hint.” NOT UP TO HIS EXPECTATION, Rube—"‘ I want my money back ! Why, I've got two cows on my farm that's got better calves than them in there."” mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com