Judge — April 16, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE CYNIC’S EXAMINATION PAPERS FOR EVERYBODY by R. W. SNEDDON. THE VAUDEVILLE PATRON NOWING what is the refi of refined vaudeville, ha: ing process which makes tw? and a half hours any reference to the average quality of humor _ to be found there? Is the process ever carried sofarthat the humor —- is too thin to stand upright? 2. What in your opinion is the value of the uplifting and edu- cational tendency of vaudeville? Does the fact that the stage has wings and flies influence your estimate in any way? 3. Explain carefully the difference between a combina- tion of ten vaudeville acts and one circus stunt and a success- ful Broadway musical comedy, and render as well as you can by asterisks the opinion of both exponents on the suitability of the comparison. 4. Translate with critical notes the following: ‘* The batch that can last out the guff,"’ ‘The whole herder with the flock,’’ ‘* The pretty petticoat with the pearly song box,'’ ‘* The tricky tight togging twins,’ ‘The real candy skit team," ‘The classy conjuring combine,”’ and point out the benefit derived by the English language from their inclusion in your vocabulary. 5. Trace the connection between ‘‘ continuous vaudeville ind ** infinite va- riety," and show wherein they vitally differ in all important points, Explain the function of a‘‘chaser’’ as a managerial aid to the emptying of the house for the next performance. PROBABLY. Muldoon—"' Begorra, this must be th’ place pwhere thim scalpers up there at . th’ theayter gits rid ov their victims’ scalps.” 6. Can it be that the spectacle of faithless husbands, practical jokes and other moving-picture whimsicalities has a high educational value? 7. Define ‘*moving pictures”’ in connection with the higher-priced shows. it any relation to the fact that when they come on, the audience moves out? 8. From memory give the name of any one of the many musical instruments you have heard played on the stage, excluding the piano and the violin. 9. State the full names of ‘‘ The World’s Funniest Man,”’ ‘* The World’s Most Beautiful Dancer,’’ ‘‘ The World’s Champion Buck Dancer," ‘‘ The World’s Most Mysterious Magician," ‘ The World’s Male Impersonator,”’ ‘‘ The World's Tenor- Treasure,"’ “The World's Most Daring Demonstrator of Dangerous Doings,"” and show how you would escape being overtaken by sudden death at the hands of the other holders of those titles. 10. What is a popular song? Give a brief account of the slight modifications on last year’s tune to make this year’s ‘Greatest knockout of the century. Professionals write in quick."’ What elements contribute to its success? 11. What do you imagine to be the thing entitled ‘* Publicity’? How may it be attained? Devise some novel idea for procuring it, excluding the motor accident, the divorce, the lost diamonds, and the negligible in attire. 12, What is a star? Why should their presence be heralded by a piethora Has A WARNING. Rooster—"* Remember, Mr, Parrot, there are ladies present."" of electric globes? Why do they come to life only at nine-thirty? Why should they tp the bill, leaving some admirer to foot the bill? 13, Why should the dividing line of the footlights be supposed to license the absence of dress, and present the illusion of being a desert isle, on the shore of which there's no foot lights? A LULLABY OF THE FUTURE. “ Hes BY, baby,’’ mother will sing, Trying to hold his attention; “* Father will come to his babe and bring A book on the Fourth Dimension." ies IS to be hoped that when the humorists who have been writing all these jokes about high- priced food get their pay they will be able to buy enough to satisfy them so they will cease to jest about such a serious matter. es? ny UP HIS SLEEVE. Uptoren—"" I hear Jeffries has got something up his sleeve that will greatly surprise Johnson.” Dorwntown—" You don't say | What is it?” Uptown—"' A good strong arm." comicbooks.com