Judge, 1910-04-09 · page 9 of 16
Judge — April 9, 1910 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical story mocks the hiring practices and class dynamics of early 20th-century wealthy households. The narrator's wife hires an attractive maid purely for decorative purposes—to complement the parlor's "white and gold" scheme—from an employment agency ("intelligence office"). The joke: the maid is catastrophically destructive and incompetent. She breaks virtually everything in the house within weeks. The wife later gives her a reference as "the most complete vacuum cleaner I had ever met"—a cruel pun suggesting the maid's only talent is destroying/emptying spaces. The satire targets the superficiality of upper-class employers who prioritize appearance over competence, and the exploitative nature of domestic service where workers could be dismissed without cause. The "vacuum cleaner" reference also mocks the dismissive attitude toward working-class people's literacy ("the poor little thing had never learned to read"). The companion cartoons joke about other domestic mishaps—a father smelling cigarettes and a farmer bringing a bull to "gore" (create gore/gores in) his wife's skirt.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE iE NEW MAID. by HORACE DoDD GASTIT. GHE WAS an attractive little piece of bric-a-brac to the eye, and 1 think the general manager of my household chose her from among wd, the many candidates for the honor at the intelligence office for the rea- son that her coloring fell nicely into the decorative scheme of our white and gold parlor. “She is just the thing for a five o’clock tea!’ she said.‘ Her hair is soft and fluffy and sunshiny in hue, and she has a pleasant little manner of self-effacement that will go well with the bric-a-brac.”” “Good !"" said I. ‘* Where did you get her—at a china shop?” No,” replied the general manager; “ at the intelligence office."” Good again!" suid 1. ‘* Here's hoping she has not left all her intelligence at the office.’ And then she began. At the end of the first week the fact that she would go well with the bric-a-brac " seemed to lack importance, for the reason that there was no bric-: -brac left for her to A DECEIVING ODOR. go with. What few things there were that had not gone to the repair shop had been ¥ ian 4 Her father—* That young man who comes to see carted away in the waste by the gentleman who calls for ashes and such things. The Mary is smoking cigarettes. I smell ‘em |"" only thing that was breakable in the house that was not broken was her unbroken ca- pacity for breaking things. To touch with her was to shiver, and “Oh, yes, of course!"” laughed the by the time she had been with us a month I really felt that it general manager. ‘‘1 gave her one.”” “*Great Scott, my dear!"’ I protested. “‘What on earth did you do that for? You haven't any right to turn a breaker like that loose in the households of inno- cent and unsuspecting parties. What could you say?” “TL gave her a reference as the most complete vacuum cleaner I had ever met,” said the general manager, with a slight giggle. “A vacuum cleaner?"’ I demanded. “ Yes,’ laughed the general manager, “T said that a vacuum was the only thing she could be trusted to handle with safety, and I added that if the people who em- ployed her hadn’t any vacuums on hand that needed cleaning, if they would only give her time she would create one."” “Tsee,"’ said I, with a grin. ** And how did she take it?” She thanked me and left,"’ said the general manager. ‘ isfied with a reference like l cried. 191%. said the general mana- ger. ‘You see, the poor little thing had MAN'S WISDOM... . never learned to read." Aunt Becky—'" Lan’ sakes, Silas Silvernail! What on airth be yew a-bringin’ thet thar bull in- tew this house fer?"* = bi ‘; , HE bitterest disappointment Uncle Silas" Tew help yew out with yer dressmakin’, Becky. Didn't I hear yew say yer new . skirt would look better ‘ gored’? Wa-al, I brung th’ bull in tew dew th’ gorin’.”" to a great man is his sons. would have been less expensive if I had purchased an automobile and gone without a housemaid. Finally, when on the third morn- ing of her second month of service a great crash belowstairs was the first intimation that we had had of her effort to dust our tall grandfather’s clock, we decided that the golden-haired young per- son was a luxury that we could not afford, and she was given no- tice. There was that about her that so warmed our hearts that we made ita two weeks’ notice, und then for prudential reasons we paid her her wages for that time and let her depart immediately. ‘Well, my dear,’ said I, as I entered my home upon my return from business that night, “ has our treasure departed?”” “ Yes,"’ said the general manager, with a deep sigh of relief; ** she left this morning."’ ‘And without further damage?"’ I queried. “ Not exactly,” said the general manager. ‘She was suc- cessful up to the last moment, and broke the newel post on the front stoop as she departed.’ ¥ “Did she have the nerve to ask you for a reference?” I ANOTHER CASE OF DR. COOK. asked. First frog—* Hi, fellows, come quick! Here's the South Pole |’? comicbooks.com