Judge — March 12, 1910 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A STRING OF EMERALDS. LEAVES FROM AN OBSERVER'S NOTEBOOK. Zueblin, of Chicago, is reported to have said that ‘‘ the day is coming when we shall want to use the scientific knowledge we are acquiring so that every child that is going to come into the world will have at its entrance a gov- ernment physician to see that the child is guaranteed life.” We presume this of- ficial will be subject to the orders of the Secretary of Popula- tion, in the Presi- dent's Cabinet, and will have conferred upon him all the pow- ers now existing in ourcustom house inspectors, un- der which he will be required to subject the new- ly born infant to a drastic cross-ex- amination on the sub- ject of his contents, lest he bring any- thing dutiable in with him, as well as the power to deny admission to the world to any new- comer who does not measure up to the stipulated — require- ments established by the commission under the provision of the pure-kid law. Every baby will be weighed carefully, and his weight sworn to by the official weighers of the department, and all un- dervaluations in the line of avoirdupois will be visited with a heavy fine of as many dollars per pound; while after birth the new arrival will be sent to the appraiser's stores and kept there until the authorities are satisfied that he con tains no traces of formaldehyde or other deleterious matter, to be ultimately dis- charged from custody with a label fixed like a porous plaster to his back, giving in full detail a list of the ingredients La recently on science and education, Professor THE RACE Two monks had a mad matrimonial race, But all hope from one’s breast had just flown ; For the lad in the foreground is one lap ahead, ‘And appears to be holding his own. zeal on the part of a Democratic inspector might lead to the elimination of all babies born into Republican families, and vice versa, We do not feel that we can give our unreserved approval to the professor's plan unless we have some assurance that these welcomes and investigations shall be conducted on @ strictly non-partisan basis. BURNT LEATHER FAD. By VICTOR A. HERMANN. LAST night, when supper had been cleared away ‘And we sat round the table, doin’ sums And learnin’ grammar for next day, there comes The queerest kind of odor, like burnt hay Mixed with the smoke of some one’s scorchin’ gums. But ma, she says, ‘‘ Why, that is Sister May, And’she is burnin’ wreaths of grapes and plums In all those leather frames she bought to-day.” Says ma, ‘ Let’s go and watch her work. It’s great! I like this py-ro-graphy craze.”” Gee whizz! the sight that met our startled gaze! Dad fast asleep, his boots stuck in the glowin’ grate, And snorin’ in blissful peace until ma yelled. And that’s the burnin’ leather that we smelled! THE HIGHER COST, «« QEE HERE," said Mr. Contossel to the agent for the stock of the Extremely-wild-cat Gas, Oil, Gold, Silver and Diamond Mining Company. “‘ You sold me a bunch of this stock last year for ten cents on the hundred dollars, and now you ask me fifteen cents. That's a fifty per cent. increase.” “Yes,”’ calmly replies the agent. “ But you farmers are getting all the money for the higher cost of: living, and that puts up the rest of the necessities of life, doesn’t it?” TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. by EVA OTTARSON BROWER GILBERT. R THE Spring Poets’ Number I gladly would sing, In gay rhythm through which sweetest music might ring; But I’m not in it there (Though my talent is fair), For I’ve never yet written a poem on * Spring.”” THEY ATTENDED THE FRESH-AIR LECTURE. of which he is made, It is a splendid dream and should result in the ultimate development of a convincing American type. Our only fear is that under a party system such as oura is, an intense Husband—" We'll sleep a few nights and then Sleep on the roof for the festof the winter. Is- ‘n't this great?" But the next night they decided it was a lite cold and compromised by shutting ou! tle of the air and mov- ing their beds. The third night found the win- dow a little lower. comicbooks.com