Judge — March 12, 1910 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIRST STATISTICAL REPORT OF ROOSEVELT’S AFRICAN id by DON CAMERON SHAPE MILES traveled 17,000. Cities and towns vi Cities and towns written about at one dollar per word—5,281, Old hunting yarns retold at same rate -108, Newspaper stories about hunt—11,- f HUNT. ve Ra GOL. PHATT G.HOWE THINN IN HIS THRILLING | | WORLD'S Greatest | j 1 Secon MAN SNAKE ~ |THEAVY MAN | {PIN HIS GReaT RETING WEIGHS 863':{ 1] TRONG ACT. " eo Picture run in advert Number of Rough Riders met Number of old friends met Number of game kille Number of game mis 2 Kinds of guns used—(stricken out by adv. man). A BIG WEIGHT BETWEEN THE ACTS, Number of narrow escapes—0, Number of newspaper narrow escapes—1,562. Gis CLO NOTA WO Ie Times killed—0. By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS. Times killed by the papers—2 “Tt was an old woman who lived in a shoe, New animals found—6. She had so many children she didn’t know what to do;”” New animals given double names at one dollar per word—6. a while of her woe she was rid, Number and list of books taken—(blue-penciled by editor.) For here is a list of the things that she ‘* did’: Posed for pictures—67,897. The butche Number of speeches made—1 The candles The cook, and the hired man; The doctor, the lawyer, FOOTPKINTS IN THE SIDEWA. OF NEW YORK = e hobo wood-saw; Hiram (looking at a dog's footprints in the cement side- ithe Oop wtih oe ill: {n’the cans walk)—" Don't it beat all, "Mandy, how them scientific fellers The li , dig. up stones like that there after they've been buried a million fe of the jailer— years! I'll bet ye the animal that made them there tracks The latter did all of her wash; lived before the flood." The trolley conductor, The sewing instructor, A RECOMMENDATION The dealer in pumpkins and squash; The fishman, the coalman, The pitcher and bowlman; The man of the jack-plane and bench; The man who sold taffy And ran a cream café; The teacher of German and French; The sockman, the sackman, The, wandering hackman, The banker with discounted bills; The china and glassman, The canny old gasman The druggist for lotions and pill The fruitman, the ashman, The falal and sashman, The plumber, the man of the ‘phone; The newsman, the hatter, And Roddy the ratter, And others who'll never be known— The whole lot she did, oh, This merry old widow! Landlady—"* You find her honest, don’t you?" Former mistress—"* Honest! Why, sh never takes even an order from me! Ir is a stiff neck that has no turning. And when she had A good-by she bid 'em, And secretly skipped from the town! MATHEMATICAL DEMONSTRATION 4 YJTHY DO they speak of two people who are wed as be- coming one."* ** Because thenceforth they both miss half their lives.” A FOOTNOTE. VERY pretty girl applied for a position in the cheru: When asked to sign the contract, she blushingly adi ye THE EXCUSE HE GAVE. that she was unable to write. Wife (to husband who has slipped into open manhole)—"' John! How- ““ Well,”” said the manager, “it really doesn’t matter; it ever did you come to fall into that hole ? . ‘| ; ” Husband—" Just curiosity !"" isn’t your signature the public wants to see, anyhow. ted comicbooks.com