Judge, 1910-03-05 · page 6 of 16
Judge — March 5, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine (early 20th century) is primarily **satirical commentary on springtime conventions and contemporary technologies**. Key content: **Spring Poetry Satire**: Multiple pieces mock the cliché of spring poems—the editor literally wants to burn them. The magazine ridicules the sentimental "young man's fancy turns to love" tradition. **Aviation Humor**: "When Up in the Air" offers absurd etiquette rules for airship travel (don't shake rats out, wear proper skirts at altitude), satirizing both the novelty of early aviation and rigid social conventions. **Patent Block System cartoon**: Mocks an invention where a door-bell system provides information to bill collectors—poking fun at over-engineered "solutions" to modern problems. **Other jokes** reference drainage projects in Cuba and Panama (likely Roosevelt-era American expansion), and a "gasoline bird" replacing the traditional robin as spring's herald—suggesting mechanical modernization replacing nature. The overall theme: **traditional spring sentimentality versus modern industrial/mechanical reality**. The magazine critiques both excessive romanticism and the era's obsession with technological "progress."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SPRINGTIME THOUGHTS. by FX. MOONEY NN THE spring a young man’s fancy Turns to thoughts of love, you know; It is then he starts a-dreaming, While the zephyrs softly blow. Visions of some pretty maiden Fill his mind the whole day through, And in dreams he can’t forget her Smiling face and eyes of blue; But the trees and budding flowers Other thoughts to him recall, For he knows that soon again he'll Hear the umpire shout, ‘* Play ball!’” EXTERMINATION 46 GAY,” inquired the office devil, ‘‘ shall I empty your waste basket?"’ “Yes,"’ returned the editor fiercely; ‘‘ and instead of using the street box, dump this load into the furnace—these spring poems keep coming back A VERNAL VALEDICTION. OETS’ ravings at this season Have to me no earthly meaning— Rhymes without a bit of reason. Spring, I hate you—and your cleaning! WHEN UP IN THE AIR. fy FP PITZER, 1. BE careful that the vibration of the airship doesn’t shake * your rats from your hair out of the ship, for when rats leave a ship it is a bad omen, 2, Wear a skirt that comes to your knees, for when you are two hundred feet in the air it is proper to wear dresses so high up. 3. Don’t wear stripes, for only those who go up for six months or longer wear stripes. At such times the men have their hair cut short, too. 4. Although flighty, don’t wear any loud colors. 5, Do not wear red hosiery; it is naughty—aeronauty. 6. If you are going to wear a collar, wear a white wing. 7. To avoid accident, only safety-pins should be used on your garments. ANY a spring poem has plunged the editor into anger and the poet into d Patent GORE FLceD AFTER THE DELUGE. FUTURE DISASTER. JUDGE living in an overheated room."’ THE LATEST PARIS HOTEL BED CHAMBER. WITH MODERN EQUIPMENT AGAINST TO A SPRING POET. ROM Phyllis, Chloe, Daphne, Amouretta, And all the rest this little plea I bring. They say that they would love you all the better But for the songs you sing them in the spring. AN ANTIDOTE Mrs. Crabshaw—* The doctor said my condition was due to —‘* What did he recommend?"" A steam-heated flat.” Mrs. Crawfi Mrs. Crabshaw—' See JUDGE'S PATENT BLOCK SYSTEM (Now in use in many homes.) Bill collector—"* Isn't that a great invention? I call to col- lect a bill, and when I ring the door-bell the information is given, saving me the time I would lose waiting.”” IN BIBLE TIMES D&A Miss Barefacts—I am deeply in love with a young girl of two hundred and forty and she cares for me, al- though I am one hundred and fifty years her senior. Should I obtain her parents’ consent before marrying her? X. Y. Z. NOT ON EARTH She said that she wouldn't marry the best man on Stella—** She kept her word. The cere- mony was performed in un airship."” DRAINAGE. by SILAS X. FLOYD. H, I KNOW we drained foul Cuba When we had her on our hands, And I'm sure ‘twas done to make her Healthiest of island lands. Down in Panama we also Drained the part we call the zone, Just to make it healthy while we Dig for ages yet unknown. So I guess my wife is seeking— And all history says I’m right— Wife is seeking health, sirs, when she Drains my pockets every night! / THE HERALD. Bluebird—"* Are you going to be the harbinger of spring?”’ Robin—* What's the use? a gasoline bird now."” They have TO SPRING. THE CALENDARS pronounce you here, Most winsome lass; So please observe a tired world’s sign: “Bring on the grass.””