Judge, 1910-02-12 · page 7 of 16
Judge — February 12, 1910 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines: **"The Small Boy's Valentine"** mocks a child's crude courtship method—chalk messages on fences—contrasted with fancy store-bought valentines. The joke is innocent rustic behavior versus commercial sentimentality. **"Time Suitable"** depicts a clergyman agreeing to perform a hasty wedding for two men (Jim Jefferson and an unnamed partner) that afternoon, satirizing impulsive marriages and clergy's casual approach to solemnizing wedlock. **"How Eggs Are Sold"** jokes about installment-plan pricing for groceries—paying "two dollars down, and a dollar a month until the dozen is paid for"—mocking working-class economic struggles and consumer debt. **"The Yarns of Captain Fibb"** is a tall-tale comic strip about a ship's mascot snake that cleverly prevents disasters by forming warning letters ("AHEAD," "D"). It's pure absurdist humor with no deeper satirical intent. The overall page emphasizes comic valentines, class humor, and working-class vernacular speech as sources of amusement.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FOR MINE. by bos. WATERHOUSE CARE not for your dainty things— Two skewered hearts and lovelorn lines! Your Cupids with bent bow and wings, Behind some mass of greenish v 4 I care not for embroidered notes, | Nor satin-painted sighs and pines, “ Which every year some lover quotes— 1 But, oh, you comic val- entines! TIME SUITABLE E* OB WAS telling about his visit to the country. THE SMALL BOY'S VALENTINE. CH YEAR you find it without fail. He goes to no expense To send it to you through the mai He chalks it on your fence. While there, he had acquired some rustic idioms, and his mother was correct- ing these as he proceeded. “Well, we goes up” — j HE. clergyman’s tel “Went up."" | phone bell jingled mer- “Went up on the i rily, farm”—— i * Well?" he asked, snateh- “To the farm.”* | ing off the ear-piece. “To the farm, and there “Am dis de Reverend Mis- meee | tah Kline?” “We saw.” | th nee “We saw a little kid” —— How long “will yo" be “Little child, Now begin home dia afternoon? again, and tell it properly.” Oh, I'll be in and out “Well, we went up to the ‘half, hour’ ‘or: 90; farm, and there we saw a h - goat's little child""—(Fur- Me and Jim Jefferson ther narration suspended.) want t' git married dis af- ternoon, Will yo" orfficiate TO A RICH WALLFLOWER. if we come down?” OE YOU gentle, pretty “Yes, How will three flower, o'clock do?” ‘Gainst the wall hour after “Pus ie! uy ral HOW EGGS ARE SOLD. our, Fost: rate! Dat'll..gib nage a If you'll pay these bills of me time t' do another wash- low much are eggs now? . mile eas Fa “Two dollars down, and a dollar a month until the dozen is paid for.” mine, , in’ fust, 1 will be your valentine. THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. 5 1.“ Lremember when I wuz the captain of the 2. — — Well, one night when I wuz asleep 3. —~ Then he wiggles around on the * Dinky Dido * we wuz saved from shipwreck in in me bunk I felt a tuggin’ at the bed- floor, and 1 notices that he ‘s formin’ a very onusual way We had a pet snake clothes, and there wuz that snake a-shakin’ hisself inter the letter‘ D,’ and 1 begins aboard fer a mascot that wuz so tame it would eat outer your hand, smarter 'n greased Lightnin’, —— his tail at me to git up! — ter git interested. — 6 — I quick grabs the helm and jams her hard a-port jist as we grazes the rocks, and in a few minutes we re backin’ away outer danger Yep. that snake got plum duff and stewed prunes fer the rest of the tp "* 4. —— Then, sure as you live, boys arter another he forms the letters ‘ E-R-A-H-E-A-D—Danger ahead '! that I grabs me hat and coat and rushes on deck.—— sight to turn anybody's liver. ‘The helms- man wuz sound asleep at the switch and we wuz a-runnin’ right on a rocky cliff, not a hundred feet away ! —— comicbooks.com