Judge — January 1, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE MEDIUMS MADE USEFUL. By HORACE DODD GASTIT. F MADAME EUSAPIA PALADINO can do all the things it is claimed she can do, she ought to be able to do other things which are even more use ul; and if she does not do them, it is doubtless because they have not been brought to her attention. We beg therefore to venture to submit to the lady the following list of things that she might do if she wishes to convince the world of the practical value of her marvelous talents: 1. Let her project her spirit over the Stygian River, and settle, by means of a personal interview with the great leader 2. Let her take a job in the United States Customs Service and, by the proper use of that clairvoyant eye of hers the traveling public a great deal of annoyance by inspecting their luggage without the irritating formality of opening the trunks and strewing our newly imported pajamas all over the pier. 3. Let her go into a trance, and, after taking Professor William James by the right hand, indulge in that sort of a spiritual interview that will enable her to tell the world all about pragmatism in such terms that we can all understand it, from the lowest intellectual among us up to the distinguished psychologist himself. 4. Let her put into the crucible of her penetrating mind a dozen references, taken at random, written by well-m ing ladies for incompetent domestics, and reduce to plain terms the occult signifi- cance of the recommendation of a highly inebriated incendiary with red hair and a white-hot temper as a ‘‘ sober, honest, and reliable cook.”” 5, Let her start a new van company for the removal of perishable articles of furniture, by which our most treasured possessions may be carried from one flat to another unbroken by spirit hands. The levitation which confines If to the moving of tables is interesting in its wa: but if the plan could be ext2nded so a: levitate all kinds of household furniture from one apartment to another, it would be much more likely to command the re- spectful admiration of a utilitarian age. 6. Let her augment her table-tipping exerci: by inventing some new kind of a psychic force which shall also tip the waiter, so that he will be satisfied with what he gets without leaving in our minds the uncomfortable feeling that we have seen a white hand stretched out toward us and been ‘* touched "’ by it. to PREPARED FOR THE TEST. Miss Bronx—"' Are you going to speak to father to-night?’ Mr, Harlem: Miss Bronx- “* Why to-night ?"” The football season closed yesterday, and I'm afraid you soon will be out of training.” SOMEDAY IM GOING 10 29 Tanna Yoon \ Hush, little doggie, n't you cry, You ‘ll bea wienerwurst By and by. THE LATEST IN SIMPLIFIED SPELLING. A COAL miner in southern Ohio, who couldn't read nor write, recently re- ceived his pay envelope at the new mine. All that was written on it was ‘* No. 16."" The miner looked at the writing for a long time, then exclaimed, ‘* That's a new way to spell George Primrose, I reckon!"" THROWN IN HIS WAY. re BROOKLYN a maiden named Dolly Had no seat and stood up in a trolley, When the car, with a jerk, Got in its fine work, And her seat was the lap of young Cholly. DOMESTIC FORECAST. MISSUs—Cloudy and threatening. Miss—Dull in morning; very fair in afternoon and evening. Baby—Squally. Butler—Unsteady. Warnings from cook and housemaid. TIS SAID a woman fails to see When humor ’s keen and pat; Perhaps she doesn’t dare to laugh, For fear she may grow fat. comicbooks.com