Judge — December 18, 1909 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MOVING PIE THE .MURFe aw WHY IS IT so? BY THE WAY. COLLECTOR of useful statistics says that it takes fifty thousand elephants every year to furnish the world with ivory enough to make its piano keys. We are per- plexed to know whether to refer thia item to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals or to the com- mission appointed for the suppression of unnecessary noises. Here is a problem for our public schools. If the testimony of two Esquimaux is unrelia- able, how much more unre- liable is the testimony of four Esquimaux? We take pleasure in offering a piece of the Pole as a prize for the best answer presented in limerick form by any child under four before last Fri- day night. A new patent alarm clock will soon be on the market. It consists of an apparatus which, fastened to the legs of one side of the bed, turns the whole couch upside down with a violent jerk at the desired hour. It is said to be in- “GOT HIs GOAT.” trees, moun fallible in waking any kind of a cook at any old hour chosen by the settee. THE LEFT-OVERS. E HAVE read in the how-to-run-things magazines Of the ways to make lunches of left-over beans, And the various dishes, attractive and neat, ‘That may be arranged of the left-over meat; And the left-over fruit and potatoes and peas Can be chopped up for salads intended to please. But does any one know—will they please answer this?— Of a way to make use of aleft-over kiss? w. p, wesnrr. A poor prophet in his own country is the weather man. NOT GUILTY. IT WAS four a. m. and Bilkins crept softly into the house and removed his shoes, but as he tiptoed up the stairs one of the treads gave a loud creak. “Is that you, John?” demanded Mrs, Bilkins from above. “No, my lo plied Bilkins, ‘It’s stairs.” AN UNIMPOR- the TANT BLUNDER. Proud artist—* Behold my masterpiece! Grass, ed in lake!"” sky reflect- Sympathizing friend— Very pretty! But why do you sign it The shoe and leather manufacturers of New England have made __ in the top left-hand corner?” a request to the Census Bureau for careful accuracy in its coming Proud artist—" Oh, bang it! work. It is perhaps natural that such an industry should wish to down!’* know the exact number of soles in the country. It must have been a descendant of Solomon who advised a young man who complained that he never could get anything but cold water in his tub at his board- ing house not to pay his bill, for the result was that the young man found himself in hot water at the end of three weeks, It is reported that at a recent wedding in England the bride rode to church on a fire engine. Here's hoping the good lady and her husband did not start off on their honeymoon ina patrol wagon! A novelist, ina lately published story, says, ‘‘ She caught his eye in passing,"’ but fails to say what she caught it with. Presumably she used a hat-pin or an umbrella, Most of them do. ACROSTIC, Genuine game gratifying gentlemen. Out-door opportunity offering obstacles, Light laxation lending lithesomeness. Flaccid frolic furnishing floridity. The idiots have hung it upside America's Cup (meeting Sir Thomas Lipton on the street)—** Give us a lift, Guv'nor, will yer ?”” Sir Thomas—* Sorry, old chap, but my elevator LOOK BEFORE YOU STRIKE. isn’t running yet."” Workingman—" Hold on there! I've got an interest in them.