Judge — December 11, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SUFFRAGETTIQUETTE. LWAYS greet your husband with asmile. He is an amusing little taddles, after all. If an audience tries to howl you down, keep on talking—in other words, keep up. Do not try to stir an audience with honey- ed words, A good, stout soup ladle laid on hard is more effective than fudge. Dress your hair simply and, above all, avoid pompadoureffects, lest ribald man, on see- ing you, shall murmur, “ Rats!"" Be not over-cgotistic- al, and yet, when reasoning with susceptible legisla- tors, do not hesitate to use your eyes. Do not place too much confidence on any man's * I will.” Many men’s wills are not any good until after they have been probated. If a policeman attempts to arrest you, do not scratch his eyes out, but talk to him as you would talk to your husband. be punishment enough. Do not waste your strength on the men. Save your best licks for persons of your own sex who oppose the emancipation of woman or, a8 some have it, the ewomancipation of man. If some unregenerate person in your audience calls out, “Are you a mother?" retort instantly with, ** Well, whether I am or not, I am not an anti!’ This will turn the laugh on him. Remember that it is unmanly for a woman to weep while she is in jail, Take comfort in the thought that, while you are doing time, your hus- band is doing the house- work, Let no false notions of good manners restrain you if you see a statesman upon the golf links, but get in the game at once. Talk to him. especially while he is putting. If he ia any kind of a golfer, he will promise you anything you want if you will only go away, When making speeches full of statistics, suffra- Kettes should not wear sheath gowns unless the are pretty sure of their figu Do not try to starve your husband into submis- on. It ix far more effect- to feed him into acqui- escence. HARD LUCK. Mr. Stork—* 1 hear that your wife fell Mr. Turtle—“ Yes, poor dear. She That will in the soup to bad | Mr. Turtle?” WHICH ONE? “* Who is heavy villain in the co hat big fellow over there. But that is the manager.” Mr. Barnstorm—" Ob, you meant * stage villain.’ pany 2 I thought you meant the real one." When trying on a new argument before a gather- ing of interested parties, take great care that you get it on straight. Do not waste your am- munition all atonce. Hand your audience your argu- ment first politely on a plate, and do not throw the plate at them until it becomes absolutely (AN necessary. WHAT HE WANTED. IKE had saved up M his wages very faithfully and had finally yielded to the seductive allure- ments of a talking ma chine. He found it a great addition to the delights of home life, and it brought him a deal of happiness in his idle hours with its ren- derings of comic songs and funny vaudeville dialogues. Once or twice Mrs. Mike had used it for her occa- sional dances for her neighbors, and, altogether, the instrument had taken a great hold upon the affections of the Finnegan family. “ Sure," said Mike one morning, when the weather was too wet to work, ‘sure our little funnygraph deserves a new lot o” food, Norah, Oit’ink Oi'll run down to the stoor an’ see do they be havin’ anny new t’ingsin, Not thatOi’m toired of whet we hov, but Oi tink we can affoord to give the little masheen abit more variety in his food.’” “Yis, Moike,"” said Mrs, Finnegan,‘ Oi was tinkin’ 80 mesilf. So off Mike went. “Gud-marnin’, sorr.’? “ Good-morning, sir,”” replied the agent affably. “It's a fine day.” “For thim that loikes itwet,"’ said Mike. “ Oi'm the felly that bought the talkin’ masheen from yez a couple 0” mont’s ago. Me name is Finnegan.”” “T remember you very well, Mr. Finnegan,"" said the agent. chine is satisfactory. “Sure it’s earned ita returned Mike. “ i've laughed mesilf sore over thim jokes and danced me fut off to its jiga; an’ so, havin’ a small bit 0° the coin to spare, Oi've come in to git a couple o’ dollars’ wort’ o’ new stoof for it “Good !"" said the man. “We have a lot of new things in, Have you any- thing especially in mind?”” “Yiss, sore,” said Mike ‘*Oi'd loike to hear some o’ thim Marathon records the newspapys do be tellin’ about."” MORACE, DODD GASTIT. comicbooks.com