Judge, 1909-12-04 · page 30 of 48
Judge — December 4, 1909 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a Christmas-themed page from *Judge* magazine featuring satirical humor about holiday gift-giving and social manners. **Main Content:** The page's centerpiece is "A Message to Santa Claus" by Horace Dodd Gastit—a humorous poem where the narrator requests practical gifts (a paid butcher's bill, winter clothes, coal, socks) rather than frivolous items (decorative bric-a-brac, embroidered waistcoats, automatic talking devices). The satire targets both excessive consumerism and the gap between wants and financial reality. **Supporting Anecdotes:** - "Christmas Morning": A joke about a drum with a hole—the husband finds dark humor that the baby won't damage it further - "An Admonishment Lost": A reverend tries scolding a lazy youth on Christmas, only to learn he's literally too full from dinner to move - "Something Within His Means": A poorly-paid young man (six dollars weekly) seeks jewelry for his sweetheart but is redirected to the toy shop—mocking his delusion about his budget **The Satire:** These pieces poke fun at Christmas excess, social pretension, economic strain, and the disconnect between desire and means—themes recognizable today but expressed through period-specific consumer goods and language.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“HOLD YOUR EAR, O GENTLE SANTA.” A MESSAGE TO SANTA CLAUS. By HORACE DODD GASTIT. OLD your ear, O gentle Santa, Hear what I want you to do, When on Merry Christmas morning "Stead of pretty worsted slippers, Or a smoking-cap to thrill, Just be kind enough to leave me A RECEIPTED BUTCHER'S BIL Do not bring embroidered waistcoats To increase my veni Nor a lot of knitted neckties, Made especially for me But if you would make my Christmas 2! Green as is the summer grass, ttled a note that says you'v For MY LAST OCTOBER G I don’t want a set of Dickens, Or a baby orguinette. I've a wife and do not need an Automatic Talkerette. pu come whistling down the flue: I have bric-a-brac aplenty, Pots and kettles, curios, But I'd like to have an order For A SUIT OF WINTER CLO'E I have lots of pretty picture And no end of chromo prin ‘They were given in my boyhood, They've been given ever since. So if you will just avoid ’em, "Twill be pleasing to my soul, But I've not the least objection To A CELLAR FULL OF CoaL! And I think I ought to tell you, Though my gratitude is vast For the way that I've been treated By your favor in the past, With the Ship Domestic drifting In acchannel full of rocks, Though I'm very fond of Ruskin, I'D PREFER A PAIR OF Socks! HIS FEARS. Hewitt—* You should hitch your wagon to a star. Jewett and then a blamed airship will come along and get tangled up in the rope. CHRISTMAS MORNING. «HIS drum for the baby is damaged," said the wife, Christmas morning. ‘‘ It has a hole in the drumhead.”” “Never mind," rejoined the philosophical husband. ‘* Now trouble putting his foot through."* baby won't have any AN ADMONISHMENT LOST. EV. Hudson Robert Jones had preached what he thought was a great Ch the way home from church he came upon a youth sit- ting doubled up on the stoop of adomicile. Wish- ing to admonish this young person for what he took to be lazin he stepped up to him and mas sermon, On en ee FORT said, “Don’t sit there like that, my boy; this is Christmas. Get up and stir yourself; you certainly must have something in you! ** T've got a big Christmas dinner in me,’? was the forced reply, | fe ] **and I can’t move. HELPING MATTERS ALONG. Mrs, Harlem—" I thought you said your husband was going to swear off smoking the first of the year, and here you are giving him a box of Christmas cigars."” Mrs. Bronz—" I'm going to help the resolution along. That's why I bought these cigars."" THE COMING FAD. Editor—* 1 have not seen anything from your pen lately.”” Author—" No; I'm very busy on an Esquimau dialect story at present."" WHAT CHRISTMAS DOES. 66 TSN'T Christmas splendid, fath “Great, my child! If Christmas didn’t come along once a year, we might never know how much the trades people trust us."" A Barer is always ready to split hairs with you. SOMETHING WITHIN HIS MEANS. GAUDILY attired, effeminate-acting young man entered a noted down-town jewelry store, and in glib speech informed one of the clerks that he wished to purchase a nice Christmas present for his sweetheart. He had no idea as to just what he wanted, but, whatever it would be, it must be a suitable token of his esteem for her, and, at the same time, come within his salary. “What, may I ask,’” inquired the clerk, ‘ is your salary?” “ Six dollars a week,”” was the prompt reply. Young man,” said the clerk kindly, but firmly, “* you've struck the wrong place. You'll find what you want just around the corner at the toy shop.”” comicbooks.com .