Judge, 1909-12-04 · page 14 of 48
Judge — December 4, 1909 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains Christmas-themed humor from Judge magazine. The main content includes: **"At the Bargain Counter"** — A humorous countdown poem by Carolyn Wells depicting the chaotic experience of Christmas shopping. Women systematically disappear from a shopping line through various mishaps (elbowing, fainting, falling asleep, panic over perceived mice, hysterics), satirizing the stress and physical toll of holiday retail crowds and bargain-hunting on female shoppers. **"A Romanoff Christmas"** — Political satire mocking Russian Czar Nicholas II. The piece describes absurdly dangerous "gifts" (poisoned machines, bombs, explosives) allegedly presented to the Czar, referencing contemporary Russian political unrest, revolutionary threats, and the Duma's opposition. The joke darkly suggests the Russian imperial court lives in constant danger from internal dissent. **Other brief pieces** offer light holiday social commentary about gift-giving expectations and children's behavior. The illustrations support these themes with period-appropriate satirical drawings. The overall tone targets both the commercialization of Christmas and contemporary Russian political instability.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
(Questions EXPECTATION AT THE BARGAIN COUNTER By CAROLYN WELLS N Christmas shoppers standing in a line; One got elbowed out, then there were nine, Nine Christmas shoppers, shopping very late ; One fell asleep, and then there were eight. Eight Christmas shoppers, shopping till eleven; One fainted dead away, then there were seven. Seven Christmas shoppers, cross as two sticks ; One flounced home to bed, then there were six Six Christmas shoppers, only just aliv One remembered baby! ‘Then there were five. Five Christmas shoppers pawing bargains o'er; The salesgirl snubbed one, then there were four. Four Christmas shoppers, nervous as could be One smelled smoke, and then there were thre ‘Three Christmas shoppers, making great to-do; One had hysterics, then there were two. ‘Two Christmas shoppers, with shopping not half done; One thought she saw a mouse, then there was one. One Christmas shopper, who'd spent all her mun; Her husband came for her then there was none. A ROMANOFF CHRISTMAS. PID 1 get any- Divies for Christ mas xked the Czar, sleepily rubbing his eyes on the morn of the 25th of Decem- her. Yes, sir," ree ded the Imperial Bundle-opener and Food-sipper; “there are fourteen infernal hines, twenty-six f poisoned ¢ V Christmas with powdered " filling, some frosty Christmas e coated with corros sublimate, an broidered walltext vading “Death to tt"? cunning. k, which when wel eX plodes a quart of lyddite, some bombs covered with tinsel, an ultimatum from the Duma, a pink celluloid rattler filled with per- ion caps sented by t has been a Merry . your Maj- HER CELE- BRATION. “Ar yeu have a this ye M as much a nuisan children, But must eall and see NO INDUCE- MENT. Parson Primrose — “How is it you are not a ood little boy at Christr Grimsey—"'C den Td get Sunday school books, 1 want Indian stories, See At Christmas time PeterNewell the two sorts of Miners? people—those who get Kue, and more NG A HERO. to give, and those who Mrs. Yellow Dog rsises a statue to her hand, the late Mr. Yellow Dog. give to get.