Judge, 1909-11-20 · page 7 of 20
Judge — November 20, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains multiple satirical pieces: **"The Yarns of Captain Fibb"** is a tall-tale comic mocking fraudulent explorers. Captain Fibb claims to have discovered the South Pole, but his "proof"—frozen words—literally melts when exposed to heat from his oil stove, destroying his evidence. The satire targets con artists who fabricate exotic expedition claims without legitimate proof. **"What Every Reformer Knows"** is prose satire listing hypocritical traits of social reformers: they claim special insight into progress while dismissing dissenters as fools, demand patience for vindication, but won't reciprocate support for other reforms. It's a cynical critique of self-righteous activism. The remaining sections—"Pipe Dream Reflections," "No Cause for Worry," and "Pride Goeth Before Destruction" (showing turkeys)—are brief humorous observations about courtship, life advice, and domestic comedy, typical of Judge's miscellaneous humor format. The page represents early 20th-century American satirical magazine style: mixing political/social commentary with light domestic humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
iage. THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. 1. “1 told you how I discovered the South 2. —— And when I reached the pole I wanted 3. —— "Then a bright idee hits me in the Pole. But I forgot to tell you how Llost me to shout fer joy, but the words froze on me noodle! I gathers up all them frozen words to proofs. It wuz this way: When I got near the lips and clattered to the ground in a little icy take back to civilization to prove to the world pole it wuz so cold. that when I tried to speak 1 heap. — that I wuz no faker. — found me speech wuz froze. —— a eS mS, 5 i \ 4 Anter days of hardship I reached me 5. —— Bimeby I goes outside to take some 6.-—— Hang me fer a pirate if the heat from that camp and dumped priceless proofs in a corner, observations when all of a sudden I hears an aw- oil stove didn't thaw out me frozen speech, and Then I lighted the oil stove to make some hiot ful shoutin’ comin’ from inside the tent ! With there in a lite pool of water cuncz me pricious cotfee —— a heart quakin’ with fear I looks in !—- proofs, all melted WHAT EVERY REFORMER KNOWS. HAT every reform has its day. T That the people do not know what is best for them. ‘That his particular reform is the next step in evolution. That the only trouble with the people is that they do not under- stand him. ‘That the man who cannot see things his way is either a fool or a knave. That he can afford to be patient, because his position will be vin- dicated sooner or later. That he would be glad to help other reformers with their reforms, if they would only help him first. kL.Lts 0. sone. NOT “ PHG:BE” SNOW. An old lady whose last name was Snow, + ‘Toall kinds of funerals would go. Once, when asked who was dead, “ T don't know,” the said, “1 go for the hack ride, you know."” PIPEDREAM REFLECTIONS. 1 GET the wild oats out of a boy, thrash him. It’s the young man with sand who wins the girl with the rocks. Dish washing is hard on wedding rings. There's no doubt about the man in the honeymoon. Some people look as if they were walking around to save funeral expenses. Life's a great battlefield, where there are more retreats than victories. Cupid nowadays is a cupidity. ©. k, SUETTERLY. NO CAUSE FOR WORRY. Olga (all excitement over Nora's account of her elopement) —‘‘How romantic! But weren’t you afraid of the ladder slipping ?”* at gobbhes Is Sefully enclled up Nora— Oh, no! Mother was holding it.”” : Yes; he is s0 swelled up that he is about to lose his head."” comicbooks.com