Judge — November 20, 1909 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE DIETITIAN. *Spite of his mamma's appeals, | Little Ben bolts all his meals; Then, to show it doesn’t hurt, Eats some nuts for his dessert. Nuts and bolts, when in solution, Build an iron constitution. —Life. EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY. THE FUN OF IT. Spellbinder (on the stump)—'‘Gentle- “Why don’t you go on th en, in all my career I have never been “Ah, I'm too tired. Let's soak a few | approached with a bribe! sandwiches in lemonade and eat 'emon| Voice from the rear—‘Cheer up, old the kitchen floor.""—Louisville Courier-|man! Your luck may change."'-—Grook- lyn Li AT THE OLD LADIES’ HOME. Matron—'Mrs. Faulkner is so fond of poetry! Visitor—"' Indeed? ple books of poetry at hom: send you some, Mrs. Faulknei Mrs. Fautkner—"Thank you, mum. When I wants poetry, I makes it.”’"— London Punch, I have some sim- Shall I (to the housemaid of a is always stone RY ‘THE HOSPITALITY AND GOOD CHEER OP HOST OR HOSTESS SHOULD INCLUDE HUNTER BALTIMORE RYE THE RICHEST PROOUCT OF THE BEST OP MARYLAND'S FAMOUS DISTILLERIES. old at all frst-elase eaten and by jobbers. M.LANATIAN & SON, Haitimore, Ma TIT-BITS. port was seat by a] New page of to his chief in the poet)—'*Do tell me why It concerned a faulty standing before the mirror. Housemaid. h! He is thinkin’ outside. how he'll look when they raise a statue to 'im."" The tollowing subordinate insp telephone serv house connection. “Found wire with no outsid Put inside wire outside and outside in- side. Need more outside for ins | Mistress—*Cook tells me, Mary, that ‘I don't think that women you wish to go out with a friend to- Iways been vain. You know, | night. Is it urgent?” women were made before mirrors.”” “Oh, no, ma'am, Fudge—"And_they’ve been before -it's my gent.”” them ever since."” | *tisn’t 'er English girl—"You American girls have not such healthy complexions as we have. I cannot understand why our |noblemen take a fancy to your white faces."" American girl—"It isn't our white faces that attract them, my dear; it’s our greenbacks.”” A servant recently sought permission of her mistress to take an afternoon off for the purpose of consulting a dentist with regard to a hollow tooth. Upon her return the mistress said, “Well, Jane, did you have the tooth filled I did, mum." And what did the dentist fill it with —gold or amalgam?” “‘Ldon’t know just what it was, mum; but from the way I felt, I should think it was thunder and lightning, mum!’ “Do you think they approved of my sermon?” asked the newly appointed rector, hopeful that he had made a good “Yes, I think 80," replied his wife. a . “They were all nodding. A minister, having walked through a village churchyard and observed the in-| ‘The discriminate pra bestowed upon the | clever. dead, wrote upon the gatepost the fol-| ‘How so?” lowing: “He must disguise himself so that he “Here lie the dead, and here the liv- will be recognized by everybody in the . audience and nobody on the stage.” tage detective must be doubly A WILL AND A WAY. The law class was studying wills. “Young gentlemen,” said the in- structor, ‘I will give yeu one maxim that every lawyer needs,‘ Where there's a will there’s a way ’ to break it. | Class dismissed.—University of Min- ta Minnehaha, IN SUNDAY SCHOOL. Teacher—"* Can any one tell me what stles are 2” Small boy —‘*The wives of th apostles, I guess.""—University of Mich- igan Gargoyle. Equally good as ton- ic or cordial. Ap- petizes, prevents digestion and ben- Sol Everywhere, : OH, FUDGE. Peres Giartreux NECTAR OF THE GODS EXCELLENCE UNSURPASSED Arora cl Batjer & | G snnmomnnsrasaruede LIQUEUR —GRREN AND YRLLOWw— QUALITY UNEQUALED Wine Merchants, Gr wa Hruadway, New Veal Sele Agents for United States, RIAN F ANT ANF ARAN LADD ACF ARIANA LAWL ANT AD AWAD A AN INSURANCE COURTSHIP. They both lived in a fourth-class; country town, without fire protection, but love laughs at such obstacles as thi | He had made up his mind to ask the fatal question which he felt would either | make or mar him, and to that purpose walked slowly up the steps of the two- story frame dwelling with no exposures within sixty feet. Only the day before he had gained the good-will of her father by obtaining a fifteen per cent. reduction in his rate on account of the new metal roof which had been placed on the paternal home. As he touched the electric bell (in- stalled according to the rules of the Na- tional Board of Fire Underwriters), his heart swelled to the bursting point. “Let it burst!" he murmured. ‘Have I not life insurance to the amount of five thousand dollars?"" The object of his affections was radi- ant in an empire gown of pale pink, bought at Jones & Smith's fire sale at a i He could wait no longe: he exclaimed, weary years I have endured the life of a local agent, all for your sake, For three years I have cut rates, stole and perjured myself, and to-night I make application for your heart for a term which will never expir Your love is all the commission I desire. I have furnished five rooms of a small brick flat, gravel roof, parapet walls, insured for three times as much as it is worth, and if you will be mine I shall be as ‘for three Ask for lt at the Club, Insist on “Bi happy—almost as happy—as the day | beat that non-union agent out of a ter thousand-dollar risk. Nothing earts can give will ever equal that bliss Have no fear. The moral hazard of the risk you take is perfectly good, the rate adequate and—and”? --— But she was the daughter of an insur. ance commissioner and could not log withstand such technical wooing, with a happy sigh she fell into his arms. “You will always be fully protected,” he whispered. That night he received a telegran stating that he had been appointed spe. cial agent. Well, well !—Kough Notes, ) Rieger's Hower Drops SO TIMES THE STRENGTH OF ORDINARY PERFUME Yes, friend, VN 4 MILWAUKEE Cafe os Buffets latz”” There is a world of difference be-| York. tween the North and South poles. —Ex. | KEE, WIS. OOKS7COM